The joy of failure

Jordan completed her developmental test today. She was on the edge of failure because she really doesn't have much of a range of motion when it comes to her head strength. She's really good at holding it up, but she does not like to turn her head much. It's amazing the things that happen to the body when you're missing the majority of an arm.

But, she's a sweetie. She was so exhausted yesterday. She didn't get to sleep anywhere close to what she's supposed to sleep because I had to take her to OT. Not to mention, I don't think she's used to falling asleep in a room that has a light on and has babies crying, screaming, talking, babbling and cooing almost constantly. She'll get there. The most incredible thing is how she is still sleeping through the night. She's a very, very good baby.

It's strange how we are rooting on her failing these developmental tests. The gut of my stomach is so sad. But my brain understands that this is only temporary. We're going to be able to help her live a very normal and comfortable life. But Jan, Jordan's PT says this is the perfect window to show a developmental delay. Once she's able to sit up, the delay won't be as big. And since we're trying to get into a state-run program that will only take her with a 50% delay, this is the best time. By next week, she will be able to fall into that category.

So as we fail, she is making big strides. During her OT yesterday, she could roll onto her belly if we placed her on her side. She did not show any sign of pain... So we're guessing the screams on previous tummy times were just because she was mad.

I other news, I'm going to boost my street cred as a Mommy next week when we become the owners of a minivan. Randy's parents found a deal and they're going to help us afford it. I'm touched by their kindness. We are very fortunate. And I'm going to hand off the hot rod car that is so fun to drive. I think life with the minivan will really fit our new life with two kids.

I'm happy we're finally at the weekend. Randy and I are planning to go out on a date. Our 8th anniversary was 4 days ago. So we have a babysitter coming to the house and we're going to do something. Maybe dinner. Maybe a movie. Who knows.

So Tired!

Returning to work has been nice... But running Jordan back and forth to various therapies is exhausting. I need nap time or something to get through each day. This morning Jordan slept 13 hours and was awake for an hour when our PT came by for a meeting.

Jordan was too tired to really take part in the meeting.

I got an update on the doctor who was willing to help call and find out how we can get clinical consent to enter the state program that helps with therapy. She talked to people in every level of the program... And no one will accept the possibility that Jordan needs care. Insane. So our physical therapist is very focused on testing Jordan and finding a developmental test that she would fail or at least show a 50% developmental delay.

The first test Jordan took today, she was in the 10th percentile... But needed to be in the 5th. When Jordan started the second test, she wasn't able to complete it. She was too tired. So the therapist said she'll return to our house on Saturday at a time when Jordan is in a good mood. Poor baby is exhausted.

I have a ton of meetings today and I hope I find a chance to go by school and feed Jordan at least once.

Jordan's New World

You know I'm lucky Jordan has these huge eyes and expressions and the love of cuddles. She's already getting so much love and affection from her new care takers. I drop her off late and pick her up later than most of the babies, so she gets extra one-on-one time because of that. I've spent a good amount of time in the room with the babies since Jordan started since I feed her once a day. Yesterday I analyzed what these babies can do. It's incredible what little babies learn in such a short time.

Jordan is already making friends! Okay, I'm just making friends with the babies' Mommies... But here's a picture of Jordan with her new friend Lily. Jordan and Lily don't know this, but Jordan's been wearing Lily's little baby clothes. Her Mommy has been very kind with the hand-me-downs. Anyway, it's cool to see the two of them hanging out.

This morning, Jordan woke up sleeing sideways in her crib. It's the first time she's physically changed positions in her bed. Cam would move all over the place from a very young age. I'm excited that Jordan's movement means she's starting to leverage her legs some more and get us a little closer to possibly rolling over.

We're doing OT today in the afternoon. I'll probably take her back to school after that to crash after an hour or so of exercise. That's exhausting stuff.

Daycare blues

Jordan did just fine today at school... But I'm kind of sad. I had an okay day at work, but I missed my girl.

We had another OT meeting today on campus. We are looking at ways to help Jordan with reaching out at toys... And we're thinking a little lift with the help of a hand towel may make a difference. Also, the OT grad student who is working with us plans to come to our house and visit with Jordan when our PT person is here as well. That way we can talk about what we need to help our daycare providers know about Jordan's needs. I want to make sure Jordan is getting help from everyone who cares about her.

You know, I don't think Randy saw Jordan awake once today. This going to work thing is really hard.

She was sleeping!

I stopped by school for Cam's birthday party... And I figured I'd visit her and possibly take her back to work with me.

She was sleeping.

In a swing.

I'm glad she was sleeping. I was a little stressed out about the swing thing. But I'm going to let go of that. As long as she sleeps at night, I'll be okay. I need to let go of the little things and make sure we're all happy with the big things.

Okay.

Now I'm going back to work and not dwell.

Busy for the Boy

Jordan has been sleeping non-stop until today. Her last three days at the station were not much more than major stretches of sleep. I can't complain. It gave me time to reconnect with the old job... But she was still with me. I'm including this picture of the little office where she slept. I think it was a pretty nice set-up. It was dark, kind of quiet and cool. She really seemed to enjoy sleeping in there.

Anyway. Today was Jordan's big brother's birthday. She didn't seem to act like it was an unusual day, except she pooped a lot more than most days. (I'm not sure what that means) She joined us during gift opening and the cake... But she stayed home with her grandparents while the rest of us parties at Chuck-E-Cheese. Jordan didn't mind a party hat, for a very short period of time. Juggling her feedings and hosting a big kid party was rough. Taking care of Jordan's needs and not sleeping much so I could decorate for Cam's parties... Not easy. I'm exhausted.

Kids. Isn't it amazing what you'll do for them?

I'm drained from giving every ounce of energy I have for both of them these last few days. I'm not complaining. It's worth it. Not to mention, our house is looking really clean. Another up side of preparing for a big party.

3 Months Old

She's 3 months old today! Can you imagine that. Just after she woke up from her many newsroom naps today, she met one-week-old Grace. She's a sweet, tiny little baby. My sweet, tiny baby looks HUGE next to Grace. Jordan is about 7 pounds bigger. So I took this picture. Jordan is a little further in front of Grace... But she looks Photoshopped into this picture. Randy says Jordan looks like she could eat Grace. I think Jordan is too sweet to eat any baby.

Anyway. Jordan slept a good 4 straight hours in the newsroom today. I got work done and Jordan wasn't awake long enough to really socialize with anyone. So her 3rd month birthday was spent sleeping a lot. Not a lot of partying for her just yet.

Jordan and I visited the baby room at what we have considered "Cam's school." I guess starting next week it will become "the kids' school." Anyway. I talked with the two women who take care of 6 babies each day. They sounded very willing and interesteed in Jordan and whatever extra care she may need. It made me feel better. One of the care takers told me her sister-in-law actually is a double amputee. She has below elbow amputations and uses prosthetics. So Jordan isn't really a freak of nature to her. That seemed comforting to me somehow.

Sleep, sleep and sleep in a newsroom

Jordan slept 12 and a half hours last night. That's pretty incredible. Especially when she slept in a newsroom during her naps yesterday. Anyway. She slept even more today -- small naps all day long. The down side: She kept falling asleep in my arms or in student arms instead of falling asleep in her bed. As long as we don't make that a habit, I think she'll be okay.

Since she was so rested this morning, we did some big exercises... She moved her arm extension around a bit. But she was full of smiles:


At the station, she got all kinds of love and affection. She continued to show off her very silly smile with her toungue sticking out. It was so cute, our friend and co-worker Gary wanted to smile just like her:

I helped edit a piece of video at work today -- and I still have it. I'm not quite as fast on the keyboard, but I can still use all of my editing tricks with 3 months away from that skill.

This afternoon, one of the producers and blog fans, Sarah, presented us with an amazing gift from her mom (another blog fan). She kindly made a very cool quilt for Jordan and she didn't leave Cam out -- he got a WAY cool dinosaur quilted pillow case. I'm hoping to take a couple of pictures of them in good light. Hopefully I can do that tomorrow. Thanks Patti!!!!!

Not a bad day

Jordan is comfortable in so many environments. My first day back to work wasn't too bad thanks to the girl's easy nature. I probably could have gotten more work done. I did dig out my desk a bit. I started reorganized the website's organization. I talked to a lot of people. I cooed and gurgled with Jordan. She was so good... She took 3 naps during the work day. She tolerated all kinds of people talking and holding her. She sat in her Bumbo a lot.

We all want an adult version of the Bumbo.

I tried not to feel overly dramatic as we drove to work this morning... But Jordan cried the whole way. It was like she felt the tremor in the force. But she was just tired. I found an office where she can sleep comfortably and away from some of the noisy sounds that come from the newsroom. Overall, not a bad day. I'm hoping to get more work done tomorrow if I can.

The downside of taking Jordan to work, I really couldn't focus on PT or OT work. I did a few exercises here and there... But we never had serious focus time on exercise. We'll try harder tomorrow.

Dear Jordan,

Thank you for these last 12 weeks. It's been so special to focus my life and time on you... And to share you with so many people: Family, friends, students, faculty and tons of strangers who would have never talked to me before if I didn't have you.
I have learned how deep love is. I've watched your brother turn into a gushy love bug over you. He says the sweetest things about you even when he's mad at me. Your daddy and I love you both so much it hurts. I've watched so many of your family and your new friends take all kinds of time and energy to make sure you have the very best life. I'm amazed by how many people have taken extra time to help you or find out information that will help us all understand what you need to grow.

It's amazing how much I have learned in this short time with you. I have learned acceptance, I have learned that people still stare and whisper... But most of all, I have learned that I don't care what other people think. I know you are beautiful and amazing. I can't believe you were strong enough to survive whatever happened to you in the womb. God made sure you would be with us and I know God knew we would love you and give you everything the world offers.

I have to be honest. I'm a little scared to get back to the life I led before you were born. You've changed my priorities. You've made sure I understand the importance of family. I know how my job excites me and I know I'll be happy to be back to it. But I'm scared to let go of all of the time we have been able to spend together. I know you'll be fine. But I'm jealous. I want to keep enjoying every second we've had together.

So when I wake up in the morning with you tomorrow, things will change. I don't think you'll notice it too much. I pray you don't notice. But as we venture into a working mommy's world, I hope you forgive me when I make mistakes or fall asleep. I promise to give you as much if not more love in the many years ahead.

Love,
Mommy

Exercise time

In my quest to get Jordan to move her arm around, I put her on her playmat and discovered one of the toys she was interested in hitting with her little arm. I was so excited, I grabbed the video camera and shot a little video for the first time since she was born. Now that I have an account with YouTube, I figured I'd share her arm action:

It was really exciting to see her interested in hitting and moving her little arm. Go Jordan!

Other than that, she didn't nap very well today. It could be due to her brother's constant crying and tantrums today. Who knows. She's down for the night now (I hope). We'll see how things go.

More signs that she's growing.

If you look on that diaper, you'll notice it says "2" on it. I finally gave up on the size one's... Jordan had leaked on enough outfits. So I have to shop for more diapers... Just after I bought new size 1's a week or so ago. Bad planning on my part.

Therapy time = Long nap

Poor Jordan. Now that I have some exercises to work on with her and the request to give her more belly time, Jordan is exhausted. She did not like anything I did to her this morning... It could be the fact that she slept 5 hours before bedtime last night and that threw her sleep schedule off by 40 minutes. It could be the fact that her brother threw a 5:50am tantrum and woke her up early. It could be that she just doesn't like me putting a little arm extension on or placing her on her side to stretch out and placing her on her belly to work on her upper arm strength. She's been asleep for 3 hours at this point... And she's not awake yet.

Hopefully the more we exercise, the longer she can tolerate the activity. I feel bad that we have to get her to exert so much energy, but everything we're doing will help her as she grows. Yesterday, the physical therapist said we need to work really hard now so she doesn't have to when she's older.

Now that I'm working on helping Jordan relax her shoulders... I had never noticed how high she carries them. That's probably why her shirts are always kind of loose up top instead of dropping down onto her shoulders. I thought it was a little strange... But never even thought about the possibility that she was holding her shoulders high. Poor baby. She still looks cute in her "Nobody Puts Baby in the Corner" shirt.

12 Weeks Old! A day of learning.

So I met with our new pediatric physical therapist today. I learned so much about some of the ways Jordan's little arm has affected her. First, she holds her shoulders high... So I need to help her relax and put her shoulders lower. She also curves her body to the right when she lays down. You can kind of see it in this picture that I took of her yesterday. So I need to help her center her torso out. Also, there are certain ranges in motion that she is not strong at doing -- like reaching out and up. She has some very strong motions, but there is work to be done. We're going to need to mock up something that encourages her to move her arm out to make something move. I'm planning to consult our resident MacGuyver in the family when he comes to visit for Cam's birthday.

I feel like I've started working with someone who is not intimidated by Jordan's rare amputation. She is planning to meet with us in 2 weeks and she plans to go with us when we meet with our PM&R doctor. That's when we're going to (hopefully) prescribe Jordan's first prosthetic.

The physcial therapist said she is thinking a 90 degree angle arm is something Jordan really needs before she can sit up on her own. With the arm at that angle, Jordan can wear it through the day and not have to take it off when she's not heavily supervised. At that angle, she can have something to look at when she looks over to the left... And she can roll over onto her belly without any problem with the arm already in a tummy time angle. When she starts sitting up on her own, we would move to a passive arm that curves. That's a lot of prosthetics in a year... And convincing our health insurance will be interesting. But I really don't care about that. We'll figure it out.

As for yesterday... We spent a good amount of time with an occupational therapist who appears to be really intersted in coming up with good ideas for Jordan. She took scraps of items from a hand clinic and put together this little arm tool for Jordan. I think that's really cool.

Of course today, Jordan expelled so much energy with the physical therapist, she's still sleeping (3 hours at this point). When she gets up, we'll work on the arm and some of the exercises we've talked about in OT and PT. It's kind of overwhelming when you think about all the little things we need to work on.

Jordan's first tool

My girl has a little arm... It's a temporary tool for her to work on looking and recognizing her left side. The pictures are very cool. I'm posting this pics first. I'll tell you more soon. I have to run to the grocery store first.

The circle of support grows

I started the day emailing all kinds of doctors and therapists about Jordan... And ended the day with a pediatric physical therapist who is offering care for Jordan AND a doctor who is willing to help me get Jordan into a state program that will help make sure Jordan gets all of that therapy from the best therapists without sending us into bankruptcy.

I've been talking to so many doctors and therapists... And today it feels like I finally broke into the circle of medical and therapeutic support. There appears to be a group of people who work really hard to make sure kids succeed beyond their disabilities. It feels like I finally found a way to get Jordan in that group. I also found out that when there is a need for a child, there are ways to get that care -- Even if insurance won't help. For the first time, I really think we're going to be able to give Jordan the care she needs in our hometown.

During today's doctor meeting, Jordan weighed in at 13 pounds and 10 ounces! That is really incredible. Do you realize that on February 28th she was 11 pounds 7 ounces? She's gained more than 2 pounds in less than a month. Go Jordan!! I thought she was growing out of her diapers!

By the way, Jordan did wake up once in the middle of the night last night... But she still slept pretty darn well. The strange part: Instead of falling asleep on my shoulder as I convinced her to burp... She got all upset and basically demanded I lay her down in the bed and let her fall asleep on her own. My how my baby is growing up fast.

A sleep test

Jordan and I spent the day in a class and meetings on campus. Jordan had many little naps... nothing big. When we got home, she was pooped. We'll see how it goes when she decides to wake up in the morning. She went down at 5:45pm... I'll guess I'll be up at 4:45 at the latest.

I should go to bed now. But we're watching the latest episode of 24 off of Tivo.

A good phone call

I got home from the long weekend of basketball and found a message on our voicemail from a well-known pediatric PT expert in town. She gave me wonderful tips on how to get Jordan covered under a state program that would really help us get her the therapy she needs without as many insurance struggles. It was a brief and very uplifting phone call. She'd like to meet with us this week and I hope we can find time to make that happen.

I also had a letter from Shriner's. We have our first appointment in three weeks. It's at 7 in the morning and they say it could take three to four hours for her evaluation. It should be interesting to hear what they can help us with.

Bow Head

I went shopping today. I try not to because I know I'm going to spend money that I don't have. But I really wanted to see what kind of bows the stores had to offer here. So I discovered a store with a bunch of bows. And I had to get some. Luckily, my mother-in-law was with me and jumped in to buy these sweet little baby decorations. And she added something more: A little barret with Jordan's name on it. CUTE.




She slept for three straight hours while I shopped. So the guys who were left at the house didn't have to worry about warming up a bottle. Lucky guys.

This kid can adapt

So I seem to recall back in the day... When we traveled with Cam, he couldn't sleep in other houses. It wasn't much fun at all. Today, Jordan was pretty good at holding to her sleep patterns. She napped a ton and slept 11 hours last night. She gave out all kinds of smiles and attention to folks hanging out and watching the many basketball games. Tonight, she got to bed a bit late... So we'll see how it goes.

I've been struggling with finding ways to get her to turn her head to the left. Today we found out an answer... Although I'm not sure I like it: TV. We have four televisions running at the same time. And Jordan is very interested in the many, many flashy pictures. I might have to pull out the Baby Einstein DVDs and turn her so she watches everything to her left. I'll pitch the idea at our next OT evaluation on Wednesday.

Testing the sleep process

So we're staying at the brother-in-law's house to enjoy the basketball tournament... And that means we're testing the sleep ability of Jordan. Cam never slept well in other houses when he moved into the long-stretch of sleep phase of his baby-hood. So now we'll see how the girl does. She did not like going to bed tonight in a way that wasn't our normal music, low lighting, warm and fuzzy bed time. I tried to recreate it, but it wasn't the same. Oh... And her bassinet is on top of a washer and dryer. Yeah. So she's breathing a light fume of fabric softener all night.

I took her to Babies R Us. I love that store. And I bought more dresses for her. I can't stop. I haven't bought new clothes for myself (other than a few breastfeeding tops) in years. But I can't stop buying kid clothes. It's too sweet and fun.

You know the strangest thing about blogging about your life? When you find out how many people read it. I'd say I get at least 50 hits a day on Jordan's blog. That means there are 50 or fewer people who keep up with my life. And I've noticed that means a lot of my conversations go like this: "You know the other day Jordan did (insert story here)..." The person I'm talking to says: "Oh yeah, I know. I read your blog." It's like I have to have a few side stories that don't make it on the blog so I can have conversations with my friends and acquaintances.

"You have a beautiful baby"

It took almost 11 weeks, but today a stranger walked up to me and told me I have a beautiful daughter. I have known this all along. But it was special to hear it from someone who wasn't provoked or even asked to say something to me. I was sitting having lunch with a friend while a woman just wanted to tell me what she thought about Jordan.

It seems like a minor incident for most people. But to me, it was special. No questions about her arm, no strange looks. Just a wonderful comment about my girl.

Getting serious about bottles

So I realized a couple weeks ago that Jordan wasn't picking up on bottles... And time is running out. Yesterday, I gave two of her feedings with a bottle. She wasn't really happy about it. Actually, she was really mad. But eventually after I changed the bottle type, things improved. So I thought I'd go through the same process today: pump and give her a bottle.

Today she immediately puked it all up. Very messy.

But I'm not discouraged, we're going to keep trying. The first week back to work, she's coming with me since her school doesn't have a spot open until the first week of April. So I guess I really have 2 and a half weeks left with her. I'm not ready at all to let go. I realize with all of her doctor's appointments and therapy needs, I'll be around her a lot. But the quiet Jordan and Mommy time won't be the same. It's a struggle so many working Moms and Dads face on a regular basis. I love my job. I have never loved a job before. So I'm not ready to leave it. But I'm sad to walk away from this maternity leave.

From the looks of that puke from this morning. Jordan agrees.

Who put a cat in my baby?

Jordan has started this new squeal when she's upset... I swear it sounds like a cat in heat. It's this high pitched squeal that sounds like death. She usually uses the sound when she's uncomfortable or getting really tired and can't relax quick enough. Whatever it means, it's a creepy sound. I'm hoping it phases out. She may be cute, but that sound could scare people away.

Such a trooper

Jordan got to meet folks the university's pediatric occupational therapy clinic today. She was so good. She had just waken up from her nap, had to be hungry... And yet she smiled and cooed and let the therapists bend her and analyze her without much of a fuss at all until we got to the tummy time stuff. She was incredible.

I often think she's willing to be poked and prodded without complaining is because she survived something so traumatic in the womb... Nothing's worth really complaining about.

It was interesting to see how Jordan ignores the left side of her body. I hadn't really noticed how obvious it was. I've done a few things to try to encourage her to use her left arm, but I hadn't been encouraging her to turn her head to the left. So I'm going to start working on that. I also learned how she needs to work on leaning her body to the left as well. As for the tummy time, I got a few tips on that as well.

It feels good knowing that I'm working towards solid therapy for Jordan.

Moody day

I don't know why, but Jordan didn't smile much today. Every once and a while we had a grin, but she just wanted to be held by Randy and I. I tried to let her Daddy take care of her more. I've noticed she calms to fast with me and really not with anyone else. So I did yardwork for a lot of the day. Jordan slept, ate and gave us very little attention. We tried.

Hopefully she's okay. Tomorrow's another day. You'd think with all this sleep, she'd be a little happier.

My busy brain

My brain never really shuts down. It's always thinking... It's a problem I've always had. But since Jordan was born, it's full of so many new things. I start thinking about what I need to do for both kids, the house, my marriage, my job, my health, my dogs... And I try to think of solutions to whatever is bothering me.

My feeling about my world is so different with Jordan's arrival. I used to kind of know the challenges I faced as a parent of a new baby... But I'm living in a new kind of infant world. And it's hard when there's no one else around who can say they've been there and know how to help me. I'm encouraged that the PM&R doctor that we met with this week was kind enough to give me an update via email this morning. It's Saturday. I appreciate that a lot.

The update: We have an OT appointment later this month with someone local who is interested in pediatric OT. He's still working on finding a PT. And I'm searching too. I have a few people who have connections to the PT world in St. Louis and I'm very willing to head over to Uncle Barry's house and go to appointments in or around the city. I am committed to getting the girl a prosthetic early to help her roll over... sit up... and eventually crawl. I really don't want her to skip that milestone and move directly to walking.

I'm tired, but it's not because Jordan is waking me. She is consistently sleeping at least 11 hours. I'm tired because I have the need to do things. Clean a little, search the web a little, chat online with friends, call a family member and chat. Suddenly, it's late and I still have to pump before bed (or else I wake up in the morning VERY uncomfortable). I know myself, and I don't want to run myself down when I return to work. But it will be really hard not to.

I wouldn't give up being a parent for the world. I wouldn't give up this experience with Jordan for the world. But I just wish there was a little time here or there when I could turn off my brain and get real rest.

12 Hours

Yup. Best 10 week old baby in the world. She slept 12 hours last night. That is exactly 2 hours longer than her brother. That makes me smile. I have a ton of pictures I took of her today, because I can't stop taking pictures.

Calling all pediatric PT experts!!

We need one for Jordan and we need one now! I just got back from an apppointment with a physical medicine and rehabilitation doctor in town. He and a team of people met with us in the PM&R clinic to talk about Jordan and check her out. The poor thing was hungry and tired and just not really into being in that very bright room.

So during the meeting with a bunch of people including prosthetists and doctors, Jordan got really upset. She was overstimulated and tired. So I told them she'd calm down if I fed her a little. So they all leave the room and I started feeding her. I could hear them in the hallway talking about how we don't live in the right town given the kind of therapy Jordan needs... We have to drive 2 hours to the nearest city... Or even further to Chicago. That made me sad. I want to give Jordan the best care possible... and what is possible isn't that good.

So when we continued the meeting, we poked around on Jordan a little more, but she ended up falling asleep on my shoulder. We talked about how Jordan needs PT before she gets fitted for the prosthetic... That's going to delay the fitting because there aren't many pediatric PT folks in town. The one I know about is not under my health care plan. So the doctor and our prosthetic guy are going to start calling around across the state for help. The doctor wants a month of PT before the fitting. I want a fitting ASAP. So hopefully we can get things moving... and if I have to drive all over the country, dang it, I will.

I'm a little perplexed about what to do. I know there is at least one other child in town who does not have a part of an arm... Actually I hear that child is missing both arms below the elbow. How is he or she getting proper PT? I feel like I'm treading in untouched waters and there is no guide. And I will be so upset if I do something wrong.

Kind of blah

It was a dreary looking day outside today. It started with a thunderstorm... which kind of was symbolic of my illness that roared back from Sunday. I'm not sure how I'm going to kick it.

So Jordan and I took it easy to day. We took Cam to school during an awake time for Jordan. We took naps at home. Then we picked up Cam from school during another awake time... Of course that awake time didn't last, she fell asleep on my shoulder as we walked around the hallways. You realize Cam never cuddled up and slept like that. It's pretty amazing.

Jordan has switched the way she likes to be held. She used to like to lay on her back with her body cradled by my arm. Now she likes to be up on my shoulder, preferably my left shoulder. I don't know why. Someone at school says they think it's so she can see more.

Today I tried to put Jordan in a onesie that was for 0-3 months. It didn't come close to fitting.

My little girl is getting big!!

Busy and fun day

Jordan and I had a very busy day (after she slept ELEVEN hours last night). I realize a busy day isn't new during my "maternity leave." Anyway. Jordan helped me teach a broadcast 2 class where I explained to the students how to survive their reporter shifts at the station. Jordan fell asleep in my arms at the start and didn't complain that she was hungry until the class was over and I was just talking to a couple of students. After a quick feeding, we met a group of my independent study students at a restaurant. (Jordan enjoyed a meal there) THEN we met my dear friend Liz at a different restaurant. After a wonderful conversation and Jordan got to try another new location to eat... I took her to the Missourian to meet many people there. I didn't hide her... I just showed her sweet little self off for all to see. She was cooed and hugged. I felt safe even around so many strangers. I think I've had so much support from the J-school, I'm just not worried about what people are going to say or do.

I decided to pick up Cam early from school since it seemed silly to take Jordan home for a little while just to hop back into the car to get her brother.

When we got home, we discovered Jordan's newest and coolest gift: A Bumbo. As you can see, she loves it. It's a baby chair that helps little ones sit up on their own before they're ready to really sit up on their own. Jordan was very comfortable in it and I was excited to see she's already able to use it. It says it's for 3 to 14 month old kids.

After that, I sent her off to nap with another feeding. 2 hours later and she's still sleeping. I have a feeling she may be down for the night. If that's the case, I may actually have to force myself to bed early just so I'm not so pooped when I wake up in the middle of the night to feed her.

10 hours and 45 minutes

That's right. Jordan slept for 10 hours and 45 minutes straight last night.

She loves me.

I wasn't feeling well yesterday and the long stretch of sleep really helped. I was so icky feeling, that I had to call a friend and ask her to buy me drugs. (Thanks Lynda!) The good news is the drugs helped.

Today, Jordan got to go to the university's infant cognition lab. She got to stare at a green block moving on a stage. The researchers were trying to see what actions will hold a baby's attention longer. Jordan did a good job, once she stopped staring at her feet. Apparently, those feet were really cool today. So that was fun. You can see the green block in the picture of the lab room. She got to watch the block move back and forth. The researchers say she did a good job. They gave me a CD that holds video of the experience. I'll see if I can freeze a frame of it.

So, when we got back from the lab and a quick grocery run, I got a call from the local rehabilitation clinic in town. I finally got an appointment with the physical therapist who specializes in amputees. I'm thrilled since I've been trying to reach him for the last month. It took me getting an appointment with a PM&R doctor and having him discuss Jordan's case with the other doctor. Any way, I'm thrilled we'll finally get started on PT. I'm also working with a campus clinic to help Jordan get some occupational therapy (OT). I'll go there until we can get a permanent therapist. I'm so glad things are finally rolling in the therapy department. It's the last piece of the puzzle for Jordan's care.

Going with the flow

So it looks like I didn't jinx myself. Jordan is actually sleeping 8 straight hours. She takes one food break and sleeps for another 4. We're on our way to 12 hours a night. I'm thrilled that she's following the same sleeping pattern as Cam. We'll see if we can continue this pattern when I return to work. I'm nervous about her sleeping in a day care setting. I'm nervous about getting home in time to get her to bed. I'm nervous about her figuring out bottles... Because she is so not into them. Going back to work stresses me out and I have 3 weeks left.

Anyway. Jordan is going with the flow. I took her to Cam's swim lessons today. She was so good even though it was hot and clammy in that room. I met another very nice woman who talked to me about Jordan's arm. You know I'm so fickle about this. I don't want people to stare, I want them to ask questions. But I miss having normal conversations that don't require you to really get to know the stranger standing next to you admiring your baby. You know: "Aww. Cute baby." "Thanks." And you move on. I guess I'm just getting used to living a life with a child who is a bit different. I kind of liked living in anomynity. But the more often Jordan and I go out, we will be remembered by anyone who meets us.

So that picture at the top is of Jordan during "tummy time." It's the first developmental challenge we're facing with her missing arm. I bought a toy to try and make tummy time more fun and it seems to be helping. Of course after talking to an occupational therapist, I could have just rolled up a towel and put her on a blanket. Oh well. It is a cool toy. She is a bit more comfortable on her belly and her little arm isn't as stressed.

A fact I forgot to mention

I know I'm cursing myself for writing this in the blog: But the last two nights Jordan has slept between 7 and 8 hours... Followed by 4 hours. Of course that stretch starts at 7pm and I don't get to bed until later at night. If I was smart, I'd go to bed earlier.

If only I was smart.

On our own

Randy is on a very long flight to Russia right now. And that means this week is my first time alone with both kids. It started immediately... I had a couple of meetings and I wanted to stay at home as late as possible to say good bye to Randy. So Cam, Jordan and I went off to campus together.

Anyway. Jordan is proving that she wants to eat in as many public places as possible. Today it was the Bread Co. and a classroom on campus where I was attending a meeting. It appears that she's trying to get me to feed her in as many different public locations as possible.

After some time at home and a good nap, we returned something to a store and went to a new clothing store that opened this week. As I shopped, she slept in the stroller and people cooed at her and walked on. But one woman was looking at some really cool onsies that had funny sayings. I was intrigued and looked at some of them as well. She started talking about how beautiful Jordan was and we kind of just naturally started discussing her arm. She asked questions, she was interested and didn't feel pity for her. We talked about prosthetics and how Jordan is going to do great. It was nice. I was talking to a stranger the way I want to -- openly and pleasantly. She was very nice. I should have asked her name, got her number and gone out for coffee with her someday. Oh well. Maybe another time.

I just did an amazing thing. Both kids were in bed by 7:15 tonight. Not bad.

By the way, I have a ton of pictures online at my Flickr account. And if I can buy the proper cord to connect my camera to the computer, I'll get more pictures online as well. The second cord I've purchased is not the appropriate cord... So I have to return that one and look for a third option. Oy.

2 Months Old!

Amazing. Can you believe she turned 2 months old today? It's incredible. It's also incredible that we had another warm day. It was warm enough to go to the local gardens and hang out (almost 80 degrees). You should have seen how engaged she was out in nature. We sat under a willow tree. Sure, it didn't have any leaves yet. But it was still peaceful and cool. I sang songs. We smiled at each other. She cooed, I cooed back. I shook a toy over her head. She grabbed at it a little. She smiled some more. She pooped a lot. I changed two diapers. She got to eat a little. Randy arrived with Cameron and dinner so I got to eat a little as well. You can find all kinds of pictures of Jordan's trip to the garden.

It was really nice.

It looks like both kids have the bed times of 8:00 at night. It's possible that Jordan could go to bed even earlier. I haven't worked out our life schedule to make that happen properly. She is sleeping incredibly well. Last night she slept from 5pm until 11pm. She didn't wake up again until 4:40am. She went back to bed after that until 8am. I'm a lucky Mommy.

Oh, one other Jordan story. Cameron sang the sweetest lullaby to Jordan while she slept in her stroller after our big trip to the gardens. He whispered it, so I didn't hear all of it... But it was kind of like this: "Lullaby and good night Jordan. Go to sleep little girl. When I'm at school I miss you. You are a sweet baby. Go to sleep." I almost fell on the floor. It was so sweet.

Fitting coming soon

So I took Jordan to the prosthetic guy. We're working on getting her into a physical therapist this month and at the end of the month, we're going to fit her with a passive prosthetic. With that tool, I'm hoping we'll be able to help her reach the rolling over milestone on time. It usually comes around 4 months. I know babies with 2 arms that hit that milestone later, but I just want to make sure she has the chance to try and hit that milestone on time.

I finished writing my application for that award and Jordan got to go to campus one more time... We also checked out the new Starbucks together. I feel like a creep walking into that store... Like I'm helping kill a local coffee shop. But there's something about Starbucks that tells my brain to drink. Maybe it's that green logo. Maybe it's that caramel macchiato.

Shot day

Yup. For Jordan's 2 month doctor's appointment, she had to get four shots... And survived. I fed her right afterwards, took her home and fed her some more. Now she's been sleeping for 2 hours trying to sleep off the painful experience. On our way to the doctor's office, Jordan had a monsterous diaper experience. She leaked up her back, down to her foot... through her clothes. It was a mess. It was really gross. I only had three wipes to clean her up with. But because I'm Super Mom, I changed her and had an extra very cute outfit in the diaper bag.

A former student and current friend sent me a little thing from a website called Story people. She thought today's story reminded her of Jordan. Here's the little story:
Perfect Day
It was a day filled with the glow of ordinary things & we passed them quietly from hand to hand for a long time & someone said she had picked a perfect day to be born & I think all of us felt the same.

I think that is so true.

We're visiting the prosthetic company later today. I'm hoping we'll get a step closer to fitting her for a passive prosthetic.

By the way. Jordan is 11 pounds 7 ounces. Imagine what should would have been if she hadn't thrown up for a few days. She's 22 and a half inches tall. And so far, she's hit all of the developmental milestones that she's supposed to hit. Go Jordan!

I'm pooped

You know how I said Jordan was sleeping a ton? She is still sleeping a lot. But she's still waking up at night. Last night she slept from 9 until 2am. That's okay, but she woke up again at 5:20 this morning. I'm pooped. She's rested.

I spent the day running around trying to get together a big nomination application for a campus teaching award. I don't really know what I'm doing, so I'm learning how to do this as I go. Jordan was incredibly patient with me. She didn't mind where she ate. She slept in her stroller very well. And I was able to snag a private place to work and feed her on campus. That worked out very nicely.

I got both kids to bed by 8 tonight. Pretty amazing. I've watched the A block of the ten... and should probably go to bed as well.

Sleep. A ton of sleep.

Jordan is in mega sleep mode. Last night I put her down in her crib to sleep a little after 7 at night. She woke up after 1 this morning to eat. She immediately went back to sleep and didn't get up until just before 7 this morning. She took a little nap before church. She took a little nap after church. Now she's in the middle of a huge nap... It started around 1 this afternoon, if not earlier. It is 4:20 in the afternoon and she is still sleeping. I'm a little wierded out by all of this sleep. I can't complain yet. But I'm amazed.

By the way. When she is awake, she is so engaged. I love her bright eyes.

Busy days

So in the two days after we got back into town, I've been very busy and Jordan has gone everywhere with me. Yesterday we attended a work meeting for a few hours and then we went to the newsroom. So I obsessively handed out the Purell... So much so, one of the news producers posed Jordan with one of the three bottles that were in my diaper bag. Jordan was very social there... And even got to hang out with a Jordan blog fan: Sarah. Hi Sarah's mom if you're still reading the blog!

After the newsroom, we headed to a university dinner on campus. Jordan had a chance to eat and listen to the president of the university system, Dr. Elson Floyd. She was pretty darn good and didn't cry too much during the event. I guess that went so well, I took her to three hours or so of a conference at a nearby conference center this morning. Once again, she did pretty well. She cried a little during a speaker, but it was a pretty kind group of people and the speaker didn't seem to mind since I fed the girl and she quieted down.

Speaking of being around a bunch of people... I am feeling a lot more comfortable around people I don't really know with Jordan. I introduced her to all kinds of people and I didn't feel wierd about it. No one came out and said: "What's wrong with her?" They just cooed over how cute she is and how good she was during the events. It feels good... I feel so much more comfortable in public with her. It feels good to be at peace with my world. The more I go out, the more comfortable I am with Jordan.

We made it!

We got home last night. I was frayed at the start of our trip back to Missouri: Jordan didn't sleep much and I was pooped. Then Cameron was pooped as well and that made for a pretty ugly start. Fortunately, Cam was golden in the plane and Jordan slept through everything. And when I mean everything, I mean she slept through two trips to the bathroom with Cam. Those bathrooms aren't very big and we fit three people.

Jordan is amazing. She turned eight weeks yesterday and it's so cool to see her develop. She's really into looking at mobiles and hanging toys. Her eyes open really big if she kicks a toy and makes it rattle. She is smiling and looking into everyone's eyes. Cameron LOVES her smiles. Hell, we all do.

I'm including this picture of Jordan from when we were looking at the animals at Lion Country Safari. She just seems so content and happy... I took the picture while she sat on my lap.

Oh, another developmental change: Jordan is learning to fall asleep in her bed. She might fuss a little, but she doesn't fall into a huge fit. She's content to stare at a mobile and fall asleep. It's a big change and I know it will help as we move into the daycare setting. It's only 4 weeks away and I'm starting to fret about it.

I'm taking Jordan to a dinner at the university tonight. We'll see how that goes. It's one of those semi-formal events in honor of a scholar group I'm in. I'm sure she'll steal the attention away from everything else. She's good at that. It's that sweet face and big eyes.

Old lady pity

Mark it down. I took Jordan shopping with me at a clothing store for the first time. The moment I walked in, an old lady burst over to see the baby. I stand there and stare down at my sweet little girl (who was looking pretty darn cute today if I have to say so for myself). The woman looks up at me and cradles my head for a moment and says: "Bless your heart." Then she walked away.

It was my first old lady pity.

I don't need pity. Jordan is going to be just fine. But hell, what do you say when you see a perfect child that is missing an arm? I know what I would say now... But only because it happened to our family. What would I say if I hadn't? I probably would have been one of those mothers that looks, stares and walks on. I promise to never be one of those moms ever again.

My Dad says I should get used to the old lady pity... It will probably happen hundreds to thousands more times in our lives. My Mom says it was sweet. At least the lady didn't run away and not say anything.

It took guts...

But we all went to the beach... Even the baby. I had to take advantage of the cute little bathing suit I bought her. I will blame the hormones when I had to find the perfect little suit for a child who wasn't going to actually swim until she's older. Anyway, I piled up bags full of stuff we "might" need at the beach and piled the kids into my Mom's SUV. After we ran in and out of the house a few times grabbing other things we needed... We did it. We went to the beach!!!

Cam was thrilled, but not so thrilled by the temperature of the sand. It was really hot. Of course, what do you expect when you go to the beach on an 80 degree day at high noon. Yeah. We went to the beach at peak sunburn time. I'm a loser. But I did bring a sun tent. (Yes, I packed too much stuff) So once I struggled with the tent and got it up, we had a place to hide. Jordan slept most of the time in her stroller, but came out to play for a little while. I fed her and let her squint at the bright day outside of the tent. It was perfect. Everything looks beautiful at a beach -- even Jordan's stroller.

After an hour or so, I was ready to go. It isn't easy to keep a little baby comfortable around all of that sand. So we packed up everything and headed home.

Now I've done the second most miraculous thing of this trip: For the second day in a row, I got both kids down for a nap at the same time. I am taking time to actually write in the blog and get some work done... Although I'd really like to take a nap along with the kids.

Jordan's first trip to the park

I took Jordan to the park yesterday -- Really it was so Cameron could go to the park. But it was the first time since we got to Florida that Jordan was well enough to leave the house. It was also the first time I've taken Jordan out around strange kids and parents. She wasn't awake very long while we were there, but I didn't hide Jordan's arm in any way. No one asked questions, but I got some strange looks by a few moms. None of the kids seemed to care that Jordan is a little different. I feel better just doing it. Live our life and learn how to go into the public and get the stares. The cool thing is for Jordan, it's no big deal... This is who she is. I'm going to try to go with the flow with her.

Sick, but doing better

We're down to throwing up once a day. Last night, she threw up right before bed time and it was all my fault. I kept feeding her and feeding her. I just pushed my luck. I want her back to normal and since she was so hungry, I gave her every opportunity to eat last night. Clearly, it was too much.

Anyway. We're in Florida and we're enjoying a beautiful week. Sun and warmth is something Cam, Jordan and I really needed to feel better. The humid air is helping. Jordan still has a cough, but it's doing a lot better. Her nose isn't running much. She enjoys hanging outside in my parents porch area near their pool. It's shady and warm with a nice breeze. She's getting used to feeling air on her arms and legs. She isn't sleeping all wrapped up at night. She isn't wearing socks or heavy clothes.

So it's been tricky figuring out the proper clothing to help her feel comfortable. We're all a little sweaty here. But that's a good thing.

Oh... And Jordan is smiling all the time now (when she isn't hungry or feeling icky with coughs). She is especially smiley when you sing to her. She thinks her Grandma Lee is very silly when she sings. She thinks I'm plain hilarious.

We survived

We're in Florida! Somehow we struggled through one of the grossest and unhealthy days of Jordan's life the day before we left town. I learned how babies get rid of excess mucus in their tummies: By puking. It was a miserable time. I've been fretting about Jordan's hydration and I know she isn't gaining weight right now. That kills me.

I have a bunch of stories... But for now, we're hanging in there and I'm trying hard to get the baby healthy again.

Old pictures found

I was digging through the messy side of our basement when I stumbled onto my baby book. Isn't it incredible how easy it is to take pictures now? Back when I was a baby... Pictures appear to be scarce. There aren't month-by-month documentations of my growth. But I found a few shots that look a lot like Jordan... And that is pretty cool. I'll try to get a few scanned and post them.

My new personal obsession

After seeing Jordan's x-ray, I'm now obsessed with the possibility of constructing an elbow. I found a picture online of just the humerus. I'm not sure if she has a capitellum. That's something the doctors may be able to know by looking at her x-ray. I know she has muscles under the humerus bone... And I'm wondering if she has the tendons that would help actually move an implanted "elbow bone" There really isn't a such thing as an elbow bone... it's just the upper and lower arm bones put together.
I really want that tendon that can attach to a "lower bone" like in that picture. Now I want an MRI to see the muscle tone and what is in there. I realize I'm dreaming here... But if she has the muscle structure, she could get a "fake elbow" and it would make it so damned easier to use a prosthetic. Someday -- I think she'd be a perfect candidate for an arm transplant. But once again... I'm obsessing about technologies that don't exist. Arm or no arm, this kid is going to be fine. I just want the world for her and I'm hoping to learn as much as I can to know every option she can have.

Bulb syringe and goo

Jordan hates the bulb syringe. I hate pulling gunk out of her nose. Hopefully it's helping. Her nose started really running last night. She's not really happy... And trying to sleep a lot. Did I mention how gross it is to use the bulb syringe? I've used it more with Jordan than I ever used with Cam. He was lucky to live in a non-preschooler household. Jordan's world is much germier. (Is that a word?)

I'm a little scared that Jordan can't kick this illness in time for our big trip to Florida on Thursday. I can only continue to drip saline down her nose and suck the heck out of her poor nasal passages.

Gunky six week old

Jordan coughed her way into her 6 week old birthday. She has a case of the gunkies like everyone else in the house. The doctor's office says I'm doing everything I can to help her. So I'm trying not to freak out.

I took Jordan to the hospital yesterday for an x-ray of her little arm. The prosthetic company wanted to have a good idea of her bone structure before making a prosthetic. It was very interesting... She has the entire humerus bone -- including the needed growth plate. The growth plate is the developing tissue near the end of the long bones in children. Each long bone has at least two growth plates: one at each end. The growth plate determines the future length and shape of the mature bone. When growth is complete-sometime during adolescence-the growth plates are replaced by solid bone. That's a good thing for Jordan. At least that bone should grow with her the way it is supposed to.

Jordan has been a bit clingy... But I would be too if I wasn't feeling great. She spent most of today eating and sleeping. She actually slept six straight hours last night! Pretty amazing for a little girl who feels crummy. Who knows what will happen tonight.

Not identical... But similar

I'm pretending to not watch Mizzou lose to Baylor... I was thinking about a conversation I had with my Mom on Skype earlier today. She thinks Jordan's first smilelooks just like Cameron's. I disagree... but I do agree they look similar. (Cam is the picture of the baby wearing white - Jordan has pink) The kids have very different head shapes... Similar eyes and noses... Face shape is very different. I don't know. I may be wishing too hard for a kid who looks like me.

BTW - Cam is feeling better. I don't feel much better and I'm still worried about the girl's health. I'm going to call my doctor for advice tomorrow.

Sickness in the air

The boy was diagnosed with walking pneumonia... And I'm frightened Jordan will get it. I'm mostly concerned because the pediatrician thinks Randy and I probably have it too. He can get drugs... But I'm stuck. Since I'm breastfeeding, there's little I can do... I can't take drugs. Online, it says it takes about a month to kick this. That totally sucks.