I decided to start blogging about Jordan from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Jordan was born with a little arm that didn't grow like most babies. Her left arm stopped just above the elbow. Now I'm committed to making sure Jordan gets everything out of life. We feel blessed to be the parents of a very special little girl.


Happy birthday... see ya later

After Jordan's VERY big second birthday party, her dad and I had to leave town the very next day. We're on our way to cover the Cotton Bowl for work. Luckily I have a wireless card and I can post from the car.

Wow, I'm still floored that Jordan is two years old.

Her birthday was big. I stayed up late the night before to build a wooden kitchen that she got last year and I didn't think she was old enough for it until now. (I also happened to buy extra pans for the kitchen as a birthday present, so it seemed to make sense to get the kitchen up and running before she opened that gift)

She loves that kitchen. LOVES it. Her brother appears to love it as well... So much that he made me a lot of "meals" throughout the day. Jordan loved the extra attention. You could catch her singing songs like "I'm two" and "Happy birthday" throughout the day. She's such a strong-willed, sweet little girl. You should have seen her battling for toys with her brother. As my mom said yesterday: By the time Jordan is four, Cameron is doomed. She is going to rule the roost.

Anyway. The combination of the new kitchen, some doll toys (including a really, really cool Ikea doll bed that Jordan tried to sleep in) and a new play phone made the birthday gift-giving a success. My birthday cake was very sweet and tasty. To top that off, my aunt and uncle joined in on the cake singing and candle blowing over an iSight camera. And it was extra cool for my parents to be there for it all. Somehow, they've seen Jordan on all three of her birthdays: The day she was born, the early morning of her first birthday (we drove away from Orlando that day) and this year. Very, very lucky girl.

On a totally different note, I went shopping with my mom and bought new clothes for me -- the first real shopping spree since I lost weight. Yahoo nice fitting clothes!


Happy birthday big girl

I can't believe it's been two years.


She loves this holiday

Jordan loved her Christmas Eve. She got to play with family... Many who had never met her. She got to eat good food (she kept saying "YUM" and chow down on all kinds of stuff). She also got to open presents. OH MY GOODNESS. She loved ripping through paper. I honestly think if we had gotten her books and a bunch of boxes to rip open, she would have been content. Oh, and a Dora doll with hair she can comb. After Jordan was done opening presents, she continued to help everyone else open their gifts. It was awesome.

She really enjoyed playing with her brother's stuff and a new wooden zylophone from Africa. All kinds of fun for the kids.

She did not want to go to sleep tonight and telling her Santa was coming meant absolutely nothing. It was a great Christmas so far. She enjoyed the fun and the festivities.

Ho Ho Ho!

Jordan is having fun with all this time without the push and pull of school and therapy and Mom's work schedule... I put her in a dress I bought for her before she was born two years ago. The funny thing is I thought of this dress not long after her birth and I thought: She'll never be able to wear it with her little arm. So, this year I decided to try it anyway. I had her wear that Santa dress with her prosthetic. It was a struggle getting that arm through the Santa puff, but it looked super sweet. What's funny is she's so skinny, she fit it in this year and it was too big last year! During church yesterday, she lifted her hand up, looked at the white fluff at the end of the sleeve and said: "Santa!" Very cute.

Anyway, Jordan is enjoying running around talking about Santa and harassing her brother. They're playing and fighting together in the most classic of ways. What's cool to watch is that they actually can play together. They're giggling, teasing and enjoying each other's company (in between being annoyed with each other).

By the way -- That little Santa hat that Jordan is wearing in that picture... It took me all day to just get her to wear it long enough for me to take three photos. She's a stubborn bugger. I love her for that.


In the holiday mood

We're enjoying family time for the holidays -- I'm doing my best not to hop online as much as I normally do. Jordan is getting better at saying words like Santa, Ho ho ho and tree. She's also saying more sentences. REALLY fast sentences.

I wanna eat that sounds like "Iwannaeatthat." She'll say it rapidly five times in a row before I realize what she's saying. There are other sentences - They are all very fast and I'm floored every time I translate it and realize this little baby is NO baby.

I'm also talking her into doing a few things with actual logic. If you've noticed, her hair is constantly in her eyes because I'm growing out her bangs. Bangs suck. It's a BEAR to grow them out so I figured we'd just grow them out from the very beginning. Well, she has started complaining about her hair in her eyes from time to time - And I've jumped onto the opportunity to actually put a bow into her hair. Check out the picture of her at her school holiday party. I've been able to get her to wear a clip two times in the last week. It doesn't always work, but it's progress.

I've also found that I have to count to three every once and a while -- To get her to move away or stop doing something she shouldn't do. The down side, she screams the moment I say "One..."

She's screaming a lot these days. It's loud here. It's very loud.


A conversation you don't hear in a lot of homes

"Hey 'hon?"


"Could you bring Jordan's arm upstairs? It's next to the refrigerator."



First basketball game

Miss Jordan got to go to her first college basketball game tonight! She had a ball. Seriously. By the end of the game when our team was REALLY winning, we headed out when it was clear she was exhausted. But she had fun cheering and yelling and eating popcorn. She was WAY more engaged than her brother. I'm not sure how.

To maintain her independence, Jordan was willing to walk to and from the car. She slid and slipped while holding onto my hands. Every time she would slide, she'd go: "WHOOPS!" I don't know why I found that so funny... But I was lucky I didn't fall down.

Here's some video of the kids at the game:


A little togetherness

I try not to pimp this blog much... I encourage parents of limb-different kids to visit, but I rarely encourage crowds of people to visit. After Jordan's big performance, I kind of pimped it a bit because I'm really proud. Also, I kind of think it's special to see the confidence and grace of an almost-2-year-old who some might think wouldn't be able to dance so well. And shoot, it's just stinking cute to see little kids dance.

So I've shown her off more than usual, and it's so special to be able to do that and feel proud and not worried about what people think when they see our little one in the video and pictures. I feel great and proud and excited to force all kinds of people to watch a few moments of Jordan on stage. Yes. I uploaded the video into my iPhone so I can hand it to anyone to watch.

I was actually walking down a hall when a co-worker started talking to me about Jordan. This is someone who I would have never thought would be interested in my girl... But this person wanted to have a good reason to smile. I'm happy to share.

To add to the pride, we had students graduate tonight. I'm proud of them all and glad I got to hug many of them and meet their parents. It's amazing I've been working with students for almost five years and it still excites me. That must mean I'm doing something right.


Because still pictures are fun

Here is a slideshow of the big show:

See it up close

I'm kind of crazy... It's probably obvious from my devout documentation of my children. So last night I had two different cameras rolling on video of Jordan's dances. One that would be quick for uploading purposes (see previous blog post) and one that could zoom in closer and I could edit on a computer.

So, I give you another opportunity to watch my girl:

We've enjoyed a post-Nutcracker high in our household. It's just awesome.


She is a star

I must must must share this awesome video. Some who know me won't be surprised about this discovery about Jordan: She loves the stage. Jordan danced in two dances in her little schools production of The Nutcracker. Here is video of her in both dances (the first dance is on two pieces of video). Stick around to the end of the third piece of video to see a sweet moment. She was totally in her real on the stage


It sure is chilly here

It's cold and icy here... But that hasn't kept the kids from really enjoying it outside. Yesterday, Jordan and Cam enjoyed playing and sliding all over the place in our neighborhood. Today, Jordan just pointed at a lot of stuff and declared: "COLD!!" (Or in her way: "COLE!!")

I'm getting really excited because we're getting very close to Jordan's second performance in her school's Nutcracker. Many teachers who have seen her practice say Jordan is REALLY excited about the dance and she's very focused and happy when she performs. I can't wait. If she's in a good mood, we might get to see a great show. I'm also really thrilled she loves dance so much. I see it as a great way to work on balance and honestly, dance is beautiful. I can only see it as an ego boost when you get to wear pretty pink flowing outfits and prance around.


Snow day

Miss Jordan got her first real dose of snow yesterday. The kids and I rushed through the morning get-ready process so we could play in the snow before walking Cam to school. Jordan was wary at first: I pulled her in the sled for a while. Then she got brave and walked around. She also enjoyed our walk to school. After all the kids were in school, we had a really nice quiet walk home. The snow left such a quiet feel to our neighborhood. The only sound you could hear was the crunching of my boots in the snow. I pointed it out to Jordan and she said: "Shhhhhh." I think she really enjoyed the silence. There's a special beauty that comes with the first snow of the season. It was cool to have the time to really experience it with Jordan. As she gets closer to her second birthday, I'm eating up her understanding of vocabulary and her growing ability to communicate back.

After our quiet, snowy morning, I took Jordan to meet a new little baby girl named Avery. I'm not sure how impressed Jordan was by the experience, but Jordan did say hi and we discussed how babies say "waah waah."


I wish Todd Kuiken was my best friend

Thanks to the Failure to Form blog, I read about how Northwestern University's Dr. Todd A. Kuiken's work to advance nerve-based prosthetics is improving. Dr. Kuiken had an email conversation with me three months after Jordan was born. I tracked him down after a friend of mine at CNN tipped me off on his work. Kuiken was incredibly kind to reply to my email. He said how his work is with adults and by the time Jordan is grown, he expects his work and the work of others to be ready for her use. I'm thrilled that the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago continues to work on these efforts. What I'd really like to see is research with congenital amputees. Would nerve-based prosthetics work if a brain has never had fingers to trigger? In watching Jordan, it might be possible. When I ask Jordan to wiggle her fingers, she wiggles her fingers and the base of her arm (and her tongue). But it may be a different reason she does that. Her occupational therapist says brain injury patients react with wiggling everything to help understand the task. That kind of took the wind out of my nerve/brain theory. But I may still be correct -- But it would take research and congenital adults who would be willing to take part.

I guarantee you most congenital amputee grown ups have no interest in playing with upper-limb prosthetics. It's just a guess. But so far, no one has even tried!!

"I love you"

I always sing a lullaby to my kids at night. Each one has their own special lullaby. It really took me a while to get Jordan's just right -- But recently I think the lyrics are ready:

Go to sleep and good night
My sweet little Jordan
You are my baby
My little baby
And I love you head to toe
Sleep all night
And you might
Have a wonderful dream now
Sweet little girl
Best in the world
May your dreams make you happy

Silly I know

Then I hum the song one more time and rub Jordan's belly.

Tonight after my little song and hum and belly rub, Jordan whispered: "I love you."

Dang. She melts my heart.



Suddenly Jordan is climbing... She's trying to stand on chairs and today I caught her trying to get on top of a table. I'm a little nervous about it all. There are a couple of reasons: 1) She's off balance and the fall would be scary. 2) I don't remember her brother climbing around at all when he was little. So overall, I'm a bit nervous about this development.

By the way, Jordan's prosthetic came back a week ago.. And she's wearing it really well. During therapy yesterday, Jordan picked up a ball with her "arm" and even drew with a marker a little. She's always figuring things out. I love that about her.


23 Months Old!

I have been sooo swamped at work that I haven't been able to keep up with the amazing development Jordan's made in the last week. She's a big girl. She's a TALKING girl. Right now, she's obsessed with nouns. She's constantly pointing words out everywhere. It's awesome.

After taking Cameron to school, Jordan and I had some time alone before her Parents as Teacher's teacher came to visit and do her 24-month-old developmental testing (since Jordan's birthday is over the holidays, we couldn't hold it in December). I tried to shoot video of Jordan before that meeting and she wouldn't have it. So I placed it on the table and just started rolling without her knowledge. And suddenly, something amazing happened. My girl broke out into song:

I'll be honest. That video is SO freaking cute I can't handle it. It makes my heart melt with glee and pride and just obsessive amounts of love for this little girl. I feel it deeply for both kids. Somehow, this video is pure love. It could be because she's singing "I love you."

Tonight, Jordan did another amazing thing. She took her sock and shoe off in the car. She would NOT let me put it back on. I had to carry her into the house (it's way too cold for a barefoot baby). She promptly sat on the floor, worked that sock onto her foot and then got her shoe back on. Then she stood up, put her arms in the air and declared: "Ta Da!" She did it! ALL BY HERSELF! I was so proud, I rushed over to her, gave her a HUGE hug. She felt so dang proud! What was really funny was Cam's reaction: "I do that all the time."


Happy Holidays! Go Tigers!

This has been quite a weekend in our household. We started getting the house switched from standard messy kid-zone to slightly cleaner holiday mode. While Daddy was helping with the big Missouri football game coverage, the kids and I set up the tree in our Mizzou outfits. I also took the kids to a local restaurant for small burgers and real milkshakes. Jordan wasn't that interested. She was really interested in decorating the Christmas tree.

Of course, in Jordan's world, decorating means putting on ornaments and immediately taking them off to put them back on the tree again. That means almost half of the tree has a sparse number of ornaments to keep me from needing to police her all the time.

By the way, I think the Mizzou outfits worked. We won the big game!!


Thanksgiving feast

We had a pretty darn great Thanksgiving. Jordan got to enjoy a feast thanks to the hard work of her uncle's boyfriend, Erik, who created a heck of a meal. Her Uncle Jon helped with awesome mashed potatoes and her dad to made his famous family corn bread dressing. All in all, we ate well. Jordan was mostly interested in eating more turkey (or as she yelled "Moh two-kee!"). It was fun to see all of my pots and pans and stove and oven put to the test by an expert. I was worried I didn't have the right stuff, but Erik made due.

Thanks Erik!! It was a great meal.

Cam and Jordan are playing a little more with each other. Jordan is really willing to copy anything her brother does -- Other than jump. She hasn't really figured out how to jump yet.

In the spirit of Thanksgiving... I want to make sure everyone knows I'm so thankful for my family and friends. I'm very thankful for the little network of friends I've developed online.



It flurried today. Nothing worth taking pictures of... But WOW was it cool to Jordan. I picked her up at school today and she rushed over to the window yelling: "Nooo! Noooo, Mommy!" Yes, "no" means "snow" in Jordan speak. She was very excited...

Until I tried to get her outside to see the "no." She said the other NO after she felt the cold wind that came with the "no." I danced around in the flurry to show her how cool it was, but she wasn't that interested. I picked her up, ran around in the snow until a flake or two hit her face. I'm not sure which she thought was funny - the snow or her mommy.

I'm probably guessing it was me.

Oh my gosh! I almost forgot about another little tidbit: Jordan is all about saying the prayer before dinner. She holds out her hand and arm and we all close our eyes and you can hear her say, "Goh eh gate, goh eh goo eh uh eh uh eh uh. YAY!" The was all says Amen and YAY! What she's trying to say: God is great, God is good. Let us thank him for our food.

Sooooo sweet.



**Note: I've spent a few days on this post. So pardon the slight rambling**

Staring is an issue my family will forever learn to deal with... I used to have a really hard time with it. When Jordan was a baby, I'd look for people staring. Like I was a glutton for punishment. At some point I realized I was focusing on others and not on my family. No, I'm not ignoring what's happening around me. I'm just not encouraging the drama. I also think it's more important to focus on my family than worry about the general public.

But I keep thinking about the staring.

I was talking to one of the grad students about our life with Jordan. In so many ways it's just like having another kid... But when you think about it, we're different people now. We're different because we aren't able to just pass by in the crowd. I used to be very jealous of families who have kids without any obvious differences. The comfort of just being a family without staring is a gift that you don't realize you have until you lose it. Then I felt bad for even thinking about those stares because I'm not the one who really will have these stares for the rest of my life. It's Jordan who will have it forever.

Anyway, I've been trying to think of constructive ways to deal with staring. I'm offering kids the chance to ask questions when I see them whispering. I look people head on when I see them stare. If there are any inquisitive looks, I offer the person a chance to ask. It's the kids who don't know when to stop staring. I have a hard time. It's the grown up who does a double, triple take without saying something. I have a hard time.

But then I realized I have a staring problem too. Any time I walk by a person with any type of limb difference, I stare just a little too long because I feel connected to this person. BUT then I don't want to interrupt their day just because I want to say: "Hey! I have a little girl who belongs to your world! Can I be your friend?" A limb difference shouldn't be a person's identity. But yet, I want to identify with people who live in my town just because of their differences. Isn't it strange? No one writes a book on how to be a parent of a child with a "difference." I just want to do my best. I also hope I can help other parents so we can lean on each other... And make sure our kids can lean on each other.


Learning about leaves

The kids came out today while we tried to get the decorating started for the holidays -- It's warm and we wanted to decorate in the warmth if we could and we'd turn the lights on AFTER Thanksgiving. Unfortunately, half of the lights we put up didn't work. (GRRRR) So I guess we'll have to return to the decorating in the cold weather. At least we tried.

Anyway. We tried to clear away a bunch of leaves and piled them at the bottom of the front yard. Cam was SO excited and he showed Jordan the ropes on how to play in the leaves. It was adorable. So adorable that I had to run into the house, grab a video camera and shoot a bit of it. And that's what this video is all about. (Note how Jordan is screaming about the leaf blower at the start of the video. She got over it.)

Cam's such a good big brother. Jordan's a lucky kid.



Proof that Jordan just doesn't like Santa. Maybe next year she'll change her mind. This year Jordan was so unhappy about sitting on Santa's lap, I had to sit with him too.

By the way - I know I'm crazy, but I just like getting the Santa visit out of the way. The mall had a Santa breakfast and I figured we'd have a little fun. The big bummer of the visit: This year's Santa isn't as good as in years past. He wasn't as friendly or as good looking as our Santa from last year. I'm kinda bummed.

I am really glad to have the Santa visit marked off my list.


I love Fall!

It was surprisingly warm today so I packed the kids up and headed out to our local state park for a hike. The leaves are past their peak, so the hills were just COVERED with beautiful colors. I usually plop the kids into a leaf pile in our front yard, but that also requires a lot of raking. So I figured I might try for a cute picture or ten during the hike. I was right. Jordan LOVES the outdoors and leaves are no different then playing in sand or dirt or rocks. She was very happy.

We had fun. At one point, I had Jordan singing a hiking song, Cam was singing a different hiking song and I was just enjoying the complete silliness of it all.

Speaking of music. Apparently Daddy isn't allowed to sing. Cam went through a similar stage. But Jordan yells "NO DADDY!" when he starts singing. So I've got her trained to say: "Stop please" and then he stops. During this afternoon's hike, I was not allowed to sing. She is very demanding!

OH! And in the last couple of days, Jordan is finally saying "Cameron." She still won't say her name, but at least she is working on saying her brother's name.

Church moment

It was the moment of silence during the service when Jordan yells out: "O! U! O! U!"

She thought she was still at the football game where we were yelling M-I-Z-Z-O-U!

It was very funny. At least it was to Randy and I.


Another football game

We took the family to another football game -- and it was smack in the middle of nap time. Somehow Miss Jordan slept through an entire quarter -- She even slept through a cannon going off twice.

All I have to say is that this is the sweetest football picture ever -- and DARN it -- My phone lens was dirty.



School picture!

Here's Jordan's pre-school picture of the year. I was hoping this company would offer a CD copy of the photo like Cam's school, but no such luck. This one's really cute though.


Hooray Jordan

We had our first meeting with our physical therapist in almost two months. We haven't seen her since she filmed Jordan for a "stride study" that she's working on. Jordan wasn't walking properly and was really knock-kneed. Since then we got new shoe inserts and today was the proof: They really work. Jordan's therapist was REALLY happy with the development of our girl in the last couple of months. The biggest reason: Jordan got the inserts right before a big growth spurt, so those inserts made sure Jordan was standing properly and it really helped the bone growth go in the right direction. I'm thrilled. Randy and I both have noticed how Jordan has gotten a lot steadier. It's great to hear an expert confirm. So when I thought Jordan might need inserts for a couple of years, her therapist thinks we might work her out of the inserts by summer.

Does that mean we might be able to have all kinds of cute sandals this summer??? We can only hope!

SO I also have a confession. It's a pure bad mommy confession. Last week I let Jordan eat a little banana during an occupational therapy meeting. I placed the half-eaten banana on top of our black piano. Apparently I forgot it. We left town, we came back. When I walked into the living room, I smelled something gross... SO I kept looking around for what was dying. Apparently it was an old black banana on an old black piano. Wow. That was gross. I'm a bad mommy.


A few things going on

So my girl got to come to the newsroom with me for a while -- She brought her stroller and two little babies. It was funny when she decided to lay on the floor and throw a little tantrum - a very tame one where she kind of calmly stomped her feet. It was really funny. I know the tantrums won't be funny for long.

So yesterday I was dropping the boy off at Tae Kwon Do with Jordan in my arm. She didn't have her prosthetic on and I looked over and right next to us was two boys Cam's age whispering about Jordan. I went over to them and said whispering wasn't needed, all they needed to do was ask questions. They denied whispering but went right into the questions: "What's wrong with her?" "Will her arm grow?" "How does she eat?" (That's a new one) "How does she do stuff." It went on and on. I didn't mind and they seemed okay and asked me to come back with Jordan's prosthetic another day. One of the Moms came over and asked if it was okay that the kids were asking questions. I said I didn't mind but then I wondered if I was handling the situation properly. I don't like kids whispering. I'd rather they step up and ask what's up. But I felt a little uncomfortable that I chastised the kids a bit. I told the Mom I hoped it was okay that I had a little talk with her son, but I'm still learning how to get kids who are around Jordan feel more comfortable around her. We're going to do Tae Kwon Do until March, so we're going to be there a while around these kids.

That leads to another challenge -- Jordan woke up from a nap at school and her prosthetic arm started going nutty. The hand motor started opening and closing really fast and scared Jordan. Her teachers said she kept yelling "STOP IT!" and tried to close the hand. They turned it off. So I put it on the next day and turned it on. It did it again and Jordan started screaming "TOP IT!" Yeah, that's how she actually says stop.

So we have to send the arm back to the manufacturer and she's only had it for a month and I was just finally getting her comfortable with wearing the prosthetic again after such a challenging fitting process (it's just emotionally draining).

Anyway. That's what's up in our world. It's getting cool out and I'm getting ready to plop the kids in leaves for some pictures even if it's cold out.


Family time!!

Jordan and the rest of the family just got back from spending time with Daddy's side of the family. You can see the girl enjoyed playing with her Uncle. For someone who moved out of state, we sure have been lucky to see him so often.

We also had a chance to spend with Jordan and Cam's great-grandparents who can't travel like they used to. Jordan was not into giving kisses to her Moma Dot - until right before we were leaving Moma Dot and Daddy Jr's house. The trick: Make sure I'm not in the room. I'm hoping someone in the house got a picture of Jordan doling out the smooches. I tell you, there's something about me that keeps her from sharing the love with everyone else.

So there are some fun things going on in the language department: Many, many words. Some of the funniest. Jordan's Grandpa is named Poppy. Jordan has recently stopped calling all dogs Bubba in honor of our fat pug, she now calls them "puppy." But the difference between "puppy" and "Poppy" is slight. Only an expert hear can notice that difference. Another funny one: "hot" and "hat." Oh, and her blankey is officially named "Lamby." She is still walking about the house assigning items: The couch is Daddy, my computer is "Mommy." Ditto for my chair in the kitchen and of course my van and bike and phone. Now wait, the phone is "Elmo" because she can watch Elmo on it.

Anyway, during our drive home tonight, Jordan got chatty. I sat next to her to help her eat her dinner... And girlfriend wouldn't stop talking. She talked and talked and a few times I could notice a word or two. But whatever she was telling me was SERIOUS. I just nodded my head and responded to the words I thought I heard. If this is what we're headed into -- it's going to be tricky to think with all that chatter.

Oh! One other thing: Poppy trimmed Jordan's hair for the second time in her life. Just a little off the back to help even out the natural layers she's growing. It looks great and it think it will help lighten the load and help the curls pop out a little more. Hooray curls! (I only say that because I don't have any and I think they're cool)


We had so much fun

Jordan was so big tonight... She loved trick or treating. At first she didn't even want to walk up to the houses. Then she realized she had a chance to ask for candy and suddenly she understood. She tried really hard to say "trick or treat"... it sounded kind of like "twickah." Then she had to hold onto her new candy until right before she walked up to the next door. THEN she'd put it in her basket.

She wouldn't let me walk up to the door with her... She wouldn't let me hold her much. She wanted to do this on her own. I think back to Cam's second Halloween -- he was three months younger than Jordan is now and he demanded I carry him door to door. (He also had an undetected ear infection)

Anyway. Jordan was amazing. She's so big. She's so independent. I'll get a picture or ten up soon.


So dang sweet

I know this picture is blurry... But I love it. Jordan was about to tackle me. I took the kids to work. I don't know if I've mentioned it, but work is near a cow pasture. (yeah) As we drove in, Jordan started yelling: "MOO! MOO! MOO!" She was really excited. So after we were done with the newsroom, we played outside looking at the cows. Then we (Cam and Jordan and I) tussled out on the lawn. The cows were freaked out.

Anyway. It was a sweet little time with the kids... It was cool out, but not cold. The sun was just starting to set and no one was outside except us... And the cows.


22 Months Old!!

Is it possible... Can Jordan be THIS close to 2 years old? It's stunning to see what a little girl she's turning into. She has more and more words. Heck she even has two and three word sentences. She's also a much more emotional and demanding little person. When she wants something, she'll scream it. Then I look at her and ask her to say it calmer and with less volume. Usually she will say it in a less ear-bleeding tone.

Jordan is still attached to her Mommy... She will grab my leg or beg me to carry her. But she's also happy to sit in her room and read through piles and piles of books. I've seen her "read" the books... But if her brother offers to read a book to her: "NO!" That word is heavily used in her world. My favorite is when she says no, but she's nodding yes.

Miss Jordan is getting stronger with her new shoe inserts and she's starting to relax with her newest prosthetic. We're finding new ways to get her to reach up more with her prosthetic and she's finding more ways to use it to carry items.

Baby dolls are still a big deal to Jordan. She loves putting them to sleep. Her new way to stall from going to bed is placing babies in different spots in her room and putting them to sleep. She lays them down and rubs their bellies. Sometimes she finds a blanket to place on top of the babies so they will stay warm. Jordan's blanket is officially named "Lamby." When Jordan asks for it, she will say "Ahh-Mee" or "Mee-Mee." Sometimes she says it three or four times for me to notice that she's asking for her blanket. I'm catching on. She's training me.

Food is still a strange thing with Jordan. On days when her teeth are obviously hurting, she will tend to not eat much at all. If she does eat, she'll end up spitting out the food. The only comfort food I've found for her is cheese-based food: Cheeze-its, Mac and cheese, slices of cheese. But the strange thing is on moments when she doesn't feel good, even cheese can't be a guarantee that she'll eat. Then suddenly, green beans or peas make her happy. You just never know. So I'm continuing to try and keep our food varied and I'm doing everything I can to not get her into an eating rut.

On the whole, this has been a great month for Miss Jordan. She's growing stronger, more opinionated and she's starting to try my patience in a good way... She's strong-willed in a cute way. At least I can still call it cute. She's also starting to find ways to use that "cute" to avoid things like going to bed or getting into the car. She doesn't want to be directed, she wants to CHOOSE to move from one place to another. It's amazing.

We're in the Halloween mood

I put Jordan in her costume for the first time today -- She wasn't too thrilled to be wrapped around by the body of a ladybug. But dang she looks cute. We had a neighborhood Halloween party... It's the third in a row and it's just the coolest thing. I don't know everyone's name in our neighborhood, but I know everyone is really cool. The kids got to run around. Jordan got to be cute and Cam got to play with A LOT of boys. There are a lot of boys in the neighborhood!

Anyway. We had a quiet weekend -- Not as much outside time as I would have liked (hiking or biking). But I did take a really great nap today.

We have another busy week ahead of us. Jordan's going to have to skip her class party to go to Cam's. I doubt that will be a big deal to her. Next year, we probably won't be able to get away with that.



We had another meeting with the physical medicine and rehabilitation doctor that's worked with us since Jordan was three months old. I've used him as a back-up source... And extra eye on Jordan's care so we can be sure that she's developing and getting the proper care.

Today we arrived to show off her growing use of her prosthetic, her amazing muscle tone at the base of her little arm and her greatly improving skill of walking -- her shoe inserts are really helping steady and straighten her walking.

He was so pleased with her progress that we don't need to come back... Unless I find a need to meet up with him.

To me, that's a great relief. It means we are on the right track. The doctor commended me on working hard and getting Jordan everything she needs. He was impressed with her muscle tone in her back and he agreed that we need to keep working on Jordan's little arm's strength to help lift her prosthetic up high. He thought the idea of getting Jordan swimming was a good idea. Just holding onto her big arm and getting her to splash with her little arm would be strength-building.

SO hopefully I won't need to visit with him unless we need his help in getting healthcare approval for a device or any type of procedure that Jordan might need. So far, that isn't a concern. Who knows what will happen next year when we have a new healthcare plan. I'll keep my fingers crossed for that.


Still talking about Z-O-U

Jordan loved going to the football game this weekend. We were trying to get Jordan to say the second half of the M-I-Z-Z-O-U chant. She kind of says "Oh-Eww"

She is getting better with her words. Tonight she called Dudley dog "Dudley" instead of Bubba. She wanted more bread, she said "more bread." I still can't get her to say Cameron's name -- Now he's kind of named "Bruddah."

I love watching her grow. I have a hard time accepting how grown up she is though. The little tantrums and the conversations where I know she understands me... They're all signs of her turning into a little person. Wow.


Homecoming is so fun

Happy on the floatSweet Homecoming girlHomecoming 2007

Miss Jordan got to ride on her school's Homecoming float this morning. She had so much fun waving hello to the crowd. I had fun listening to her yelling "HI!" to everyone. She blew kisses and wanted desperately to eat the tootsie rolls that the big kids were throwing to the crowd. Jordan is NOT old enough to eat that kind of candy. You can't explain that to a kid who is almost 22 months old.

Almost 22 months old. Unbelievable.

Anyway, we have a TON of alumni in town and I'm having a blast hanging out with them and showing the girl and boy off to some of them. We're attending the football game this afternoon... Hopefully we'll bump into more grads that way.

Other than Homecoming and showing off the kids, life is pretty good. It's slowly turning into Fall. Jordan loves checking out the leaves on the ground. She's very picky about which ones she likes... So that makes our trips home from walking Cam to school take a lot longer. But I love watching her enjoyment of nature, so I'll let her pick through the leaf piles to find one that makes her smile. She's starting to catch onto colors, by the way. Red and yellow are easily identified by her... And it makes me very proud.



Jordan surprises us. Every once and a while, when you least expect it... She does something amazing. We were all playing in the playground at Cam's school this afternoon when Jordan climbed up and just slid down the slide TWICE. No need to sit on my lap. She just DID it. I love it.

I'm so tired. I'd go on and on about the girl, but I'm running out of energy. But here's the summary about what's going on with her:

She's almost 2.

The tantrums come and go. Her moods and needs are more dramatic. She's starting to create rules and needs and we are all supposed to follow those rules -- except we don't know what the rules are. Cam did the same thing. Tonight I had to put her to bed when she started screaming at the dinner table for "more cheese!" She ate all of the mac and cheese and wanted MORE!! She was so upset that she tried to dump the rest of her dinner all over the table and floor. Randy and I were able to put a stop to that before it got too messy. But man was it murder getting the girl dressed and put down for sleep. She was ANGRY. The highs and lows with her are just a bit more exaggerated this week. I'm hoping this will pass... Hopefully when her final three teeth poke through.


Cranky pants

Something's going on with the girl. She slept poorly last night. She wouldn't eat today... only mushy stuff. Anything the crunched ended up getting spit out. Of course some mushy stuff wasn't right so she threw it. She cried a lot at school. Her nose it runny. She has a cough. It's just a mess.

Poor baby.


Day in the outdoors

Jordan made herself even more known at church today. She screamed her way right out of the service and into the nursery. It was ugly... And kind of funny at the same time. It was so loud that I was given some recognition as I returned to the service after dropping Jordan off. Aren't kids fun. Some of the parents thanked us for helping them feel better about their embarrassing moments with their kids during church services.

Jordan really needed a nap after church.

After the kid naps, we (Cam, Jordan and I) went out to a state park just outside our town and went on a mega hike. Jordan was awesome as we trekked all over the place. She oooohed and ahhhed over the beautiful blue sky, danced along to my silly hiking songs and said she thought things were pretty when I asked. After a couple of hours of hiking, she and Cam had a blast eating ice cream and playing at a local playground. Jordan tried climbing up a rock wall and fell on her face. She's pushing her limits. I'm proud of her for that -- But it's hard to step back and watch sometimes. I have a hard time knowing when I should jump in. I should let her take risks, but I don't want to see her get seriously hurt. She did go down a couple of slides on my lap.

By the time we got home, she was EXHAUSTED. A little bit of food and she was done. The funny thing is how her going to be process is changing. She's more demanding. She wants more books, more ways to delay the sleep process. I'm holding true to the bath, PJ's, one book, lullaby, sleep process. No matter what, she cries for a minute when I leave the room. A minute is nothing... But for most of her life, she hasn't cried at all. I'm sure it's another sign she's growing up... But man, I hate hearing her cry!


Arm challenge

I put Jordan in a really cute outfit today... But her arm was too wide. The wrist was a bit to wide. The dress never really fit properly. She did wear her arm all day -- She did all week except Monday. She's amazing.

Today Jordan stepped up on a stool to get water from the water fountain. She used her prosthetic to help her pull herself up. It was sooooo cool to watch her do that on her own. I just stood back and watched her try and try and try. Then she even stepped back down all by herself. She's finally catching onto steps! I'm thrilled.


Picture day

It's picture day -- and (knock on wood) there wasn't any drama on Jordan's big day. If you recall, last year her teacher spilled coffee on Jordan's dress. This year I got her to school in one piece, with a cute little dress AND no cuts, bruises or spills. Of course I had to drag the girl out of the house while she cried for "nana!" But I couldn't allow banana goo on her velvet dress.

Funniest moment was when Jordan and many other kids in her class started showing off their bellies to me. There's nothing like cute dressed up kids stripping to show off bellies.


So far so good

Jordan made it to school today with her new prosthetic. She did pretty well... But I think the sensor is turned up too high. The hand stays open more than it is closed... So I have to figure out what we should do about that.

But the good news is she was totally happy to go to school today. Her teachers say she even put books away without them asking. Also, her words are getting clearer and clearer. If only there was logic. At dinner tonight she demanded apple sauce. I heard her clearly and gave some to her. Suddenly she changed her mind. She wanted an apple. Then she only ate three bites of that apple.


Day 4: A New Arm and Exhaustion

I'm in the Dallas Airport right now... Jordan is running around in a kids' play area. She's the littlest one here, but she doesn't seem to mind.

We had Jordan's new prosthetic for about two hours before we needed to head to the airport. Occupational therapy wasn't extraordinarily helpful since Jordan was spent from all of her hard work yesterday. But we got some great tips and the therapist typed up a bunch of tips and ideas on ways to get Jordan using two "hands." The big bummer was during therapy we got a little bit of pink marker on Jordan's new glove on her prosthetic. So the hand is already dirty! I'm pretty bummed about that. Hopefully it will wear down and won't be as noticeable.

Before we left, one of our former students/reporters came by to interview Jordan and I and the folks who worked with my girl. He's working on a story about her and Pediatric Prosthetics Inc. for KTRH - a commercial news radio station in Houston. He even ran to the airport to catch some sound with us there.

So we've survived the first flight -- it wasn't much fun. The girl is EXHAUSTED and she wanted more freedom during the flight. But I hope running around at the Dallas airport will help her take a great nap

We're home... We're exhausted. Jordan was fantastic on the second flight. When we were getting close to landing, I started rocking her a little and humming a song. She grabbed her baby, wrapped her baby with the blanket that is now named "Night Night" and started rocking the baby and singing the baby song: "Baby, baby, baby, baby." When the song was over (and it was 2 minutes long), Jordan started clapping and saying "yay!!" Apparently she was very proud of her song.

She slept in the car once I pulled over and placed "Night Night" on her appropriately. She was screaming her blanket's name until I had to pull over and fix it. Geez, this girl knows what she wants.

I'll post a little bit of video of Jordan's therapy tomorrow. I'm fried from all of the travel and driving.


Day 3: My Girl is a Trooper

The day started out calmly. I got to take Jordan to the store to get her new shoes that would fit. We found a Stride Rite that was really close to the prosthetic office and found these cute little diddies. Then I went to Payless to find some black shoes that I think will work for the holidays -- they probably won't be as comfortable, but Jordan did fit in them with her little inserts. Apparently the t-strap is a good option for her feet. Most of the day, Jordan would stop and show offer her shoes to anyone who asked or didn't ask.

After an early afternoon nap, Jordan got to try on her new prosthetic. It seems to go pretty well, but not long after she started wearing it, we could see it wasn't holding up on her arm properly. It was the same problem we had before: Her arm would droop and the prosthetic wouldn't sit, it kind of fell off a little. We really don't want to do that again. This trip had two goals for this arm: 1) Get the sensor in a spot where Jordan can purposefully open and close the hand and 2) Find a way to get this arm to fit better so Jordan doesn't hold her shoulder strangely. There was a little time to tweak and poke at the girl, but an occupational therapist who works with the prosthetic company came to work with Jordan so there wasn't a ton of time to fix the problem. During the short evaluation and therapy, Jordan was doing something very cool: Holding bubbles with her "hand" and trying to blow. In the end, she was more interested in rubbing the bubbles on her belly.

Before therapy time was over, the prosthetic was off and our prosthetists were trying to figure out what was going wrong. The therapist had to leave around 3:30 and from then on, we tried and tried to figure out what was going wrong with Jordan's prosthetic. Six hours later, I was able to get Jordan back to her bed for a night's sleep. It was a long, long evening. It's even longer for our prosthetists... They're still at work building it.

Why you ask? Well, we had to recast Jordan's arm and they had to rebuild the socket so it will fit on Jordan's arm better. The best option is getting her into the arm using a think nylon sleeve. It pulls her arm in and it keeps things loose enough to help her get her arm out. She's complicated and it was hard to stay positive while Jordan was tinkered and tinkered and tinkered with. She is amazing. She really did a good job tolerating most of it. Casting is horrible, but other than that, she put up with a lot of crap. I won't have time to put a video together tomorrow (The day starts at 9:30am with therapy using a prosthetic that I hope is ready by then and we won't get home from the airport until 11pm or so).

Day 2 evening in review

We're ready to go today... But things don't really start rolling until this afternoon so we're going shopping for shoes.

In the meantime, I wanted to show you a highlight of last night:

Silly me... I forgot my camera. Can you believe... Me? So the iPhone had to do in low light -- so it was tough to catch the kids playing in a sandbox.

It was so cool to hang out with them. Jordan gave her friend a big hug and kiss... I think it surprised her. It surprised the rest of us because it wasn't prompted!

By the way, this is what Jordan's prosthetic looked like when we left yesterday. By the time we get in this afternoon, it should be ready to go! Excitement. There's more to come!


Day 2: Getting Things to Work

We slept a TON last night. Jordan was so well rested that she popped out of her pack and play and squealed HI!!! to me this morning. I figured that meant she was ready for business today. We worked with two different test sockets, watched a lot of Elmo and finally got Jordan into the mood to really work on using her muscles so we could find a good site where she can learn to open and close her "hand" on command.

It's all about getting this sensor to feel muscle movement -- and the hard part is finding a muscle Jordan can move on command that is strong enough to trigger the sensor. I hope (knock on wood) that we found one today. It's actually the muscle she uses that bunches up her arm at the base -- Something we were able to get her to do on many different motions, especially when she moved around, picked things up and often when we asked her to wiggle her fingers.

Jordan is napping now and we hope to get her back with a possible arm that's ready for her. It will probably be ready by tomorrow since it took us so long to get a good test socket and sensor site. Either way, tonight we get to hang out with a family of a little girl who is two months older than Jordan. They met last year and I can't wait to see them again!


Day 1: Getting Started on a New Prosthetic

We got up crazy early this morning (even though Jordan seemed quite alright about it at the time - that picture shows her bright and cheery in the car around 6am) and headed out to Houston. The combination of morning traffic in St. Louis and a 20 minute layover in Dallas was enough stress for the day. But I knew how things work with prosthetic building. When we got here, they got right to business with trying to locate a sensor site on Jordan's arm to help trigger the hand. We also had to get Jordan casted. Boy was all of that UGLY.


Wanna smile?

Here is mix of two fun videos of Jordan including her saying: OOOOH-WRAY!


Shoe insert drama

I'd like to introduce you to Jordan's newest tool: shoe orthotics. These are going to help Jordan hold her feet better and prevent damage to her legs. But we're having trouble finding shoes. I'm so bummed. We went to a local shoe store and tried on TONS of shoes. The problem: Cute girl shoes cut into her arch because the orthotic pushes her foot up so high.

We thought we found a cute pair of Mary Janes that would work... But after a trip to church, it's obviously leaving marks into her feet. Poor kid.

So for now, we only have a pair of princess sneakers that work. Another down side of these inserts: They make it really easy for Jordan to pull of the shoes. Every time she does it, she says: "Uh oh. Uh oh. Uh oh." Until I put it back on for her.

Church and music

We brought Jordan to the actual church service today (first time since she was an itty-bitty baby). During children's church, the kids went up to the front to listen to a kid sermon. For a short time, Jordan actually sat on Cam's lap. It was a fantastic thing to watch. It didn't last long... She looked over for me and decided to walk to me instead.

But that moment was so sweet.

I also took Jordan to the little kid choir. She danced around a little, but was a little too concerned with my cuddles to really participate. I can see her loving it soon. She loves music too much.


21 Months Old!

This has been a really big month for Jordan. She's really becoming her own person and this month proved it. She's turning into an independent, strong little girl. Some of her big changes this month included a TON of words and more understanding of my words. I can also talk a little bit of reason to her. Often I can direct her to new locations with just giving her some motivation: "Jordan, come into the house so you can say hi to Bubba Dog." "Jordan, where is your baby? It must be in that room." Of course, there are more times when Jordan gets stubborn and won't budge. She's starting to fall onto the ground and just scream. Typical two-year-old stuff. What is wonderful is watching how she's really working hard during her occupational therapy appointments. She's trying harder to use her prosthetic. I'm excited to get her a new and improved version so she can step up her efforts.

This past month was really special because Jordan and I got to spend time with my Aunt Jan and Uncle Chuck... We even got to hang out with my cousin and her kids. It was awesome to share extra hugs and smiles to family I really care about but don't get to see often enough.

Jordan is getting along a little better with her brother. She loves to play hide and seek and chase with Cameron. They also have this thing where they scream. It's painful to my ears, but they think it's super funny. Either way, I see these little brother and sister moments as a sign that they're getting along better. We had one moment today that I thought was awesome. We were having a non-healthy picnic of burgers and milk shakes at a local park. Jordan loved the shake, but couldn't hold it while she drank from the straw. Cam patiently would hold the cup while she enjoyed her drink. It was so kind.

Jordan is finally starting to hold my hand in parking lots and throwing fewer fits about my attempts to keep her safe. She's still closely attached to me, but she's more willing to go off with her Dad. While she was at work with us earlier this week, I needed to continue working while her Dad was ready to leave. So he walked her over to me, she said bye-bye and walked off to the parking lot with Dad. I almost fell out of my seat. It's a little sign of freedom for me. I love our connection, but I'm thrilled to see her expanding her trust.


Two big developments

Jordan has her new shoe insert/braces. I bought her a pair of sneakers and you'd never even know she has them. Of course we had to try five different pairs of shoes to see if her feet would fit comfortably. It could be a while before I find a pair of sweet, pretty shoes for her.

Also, we got a big deal letter in the mail that says we can move forward through the health care process for Jordan's next prosthetic. That's a big deal because:
a) We're going to Houston next week
b) If we didn't have health care approval, I probably would have still gotten the arm
c) It gives me a little peace of mind given the extreme cost of prosthetics

Our job is moving to a new health care system in January -- more to be worried about.

Another thing that is looming on my mind: In a little more than a year, Jordan won't have the 0-3 program that helps us TREMENDOUSLY in the cost of therapy. Heck, just the fact that our therapists come to us changed my world. When that goes away, I don't think our need for OT and PT will disappear. That's why I'm so glad our therapists are working really hard with Jordan. We're going to beat down her foot position problems and gain some skills that will benefit her for the rest of her life now. Hopefully by three she'll have a good base that won't require as much intense care. So for now, I'll do my best not to fret so much and just focus on the incredibly growth Jordan has had in the last three or four months. Really fantastic.

Can you believe she's 21 months old tomorrow? Wow.

Or as Jordan would say: "Hooray!"



I swear Jordan is going to speak full understandable sentences in the next few days. Every hour as she grows, it seems like her words are better, clearer... and prouder.

This is so fun.



Oh my gosh. Jordan is so damned sweet. I said "HOORAY!" in the car this evening... Then she joined in with a sweet "HOORAY!"

Well, I had to show off her sweet hooray with her Dad. SO right before bed we started yelling HOORAY!! I took her up to bed, sang our lullaby when she started chiming in with hoorays. As I walked out of the room:


After I got Cam to bed... there were still little hoorays peeping out from behind her closed door.


What happened to my peaceful traveler?

My poor baby girl. When we started out on this great trip. See that picture, that's how our trip started out.

Today's trip home didn't go as well. It was kind of sad. Her eye teeth have put her in a pretty sour mood. In our first flight she was okay until we had to put the iPhone away right before we landed. She threw a huge fit and didn't really calm down until I started singing a lullaby.

The lullaby kind of worked in the second flight, but we went from the first plane, to the bathroom and then to another plane. There was no time to cool off from the previous flight. So I gave her tooth medicine, motrin and a bunch of lullabies. In the end, the only thing that calmed her on that flight was cuddles and a good dose of free Sesame Street downloads on the iPhone.

In the bus ride to our parked car, Jordan once again freaked. This time it was because she was sick and tired of sitting on my lap. The only thing that helped: Dora vodcasts. We watched the four or five on my iPhone constantly. The guy sitting next to me said: "Aren't you glad you're an early adapter?" I was... And so were all the other folks in the van. It was a funny moment.

Sweet video of my girl

Here's Jordan reading to little Murphy dog. Sweet stuff. It's kind of long, but fun.

By the way, I've been preaching the glories of Motionbox and now I'm kind of sad... The company just suddenly put a size limit on accounts. You have to pay a yearly fee for an unlimited amount of space. I'm sad and not sure what I'm going to do. I totally understand the need to keep the company going. I don't want them to die because I don't want to lose my online video... But I'm unsure I'm ready to pay $30 just to keep my embedded video working.


Eye teeth are mean

Jordan didn't sleep well last night... periodic crying, restlessness. It was so sad. When she woke up she was warm and unhappy. She just cuddled for 20 minutes with me before she was ready to eat breakfast. Darn teeth.

What stuns me is how this is really the first time we've had trouble with teeth. I didn't even know when she got molars! So I'll let her get all the pity she needs on these teeth. Her brother cried through every single one! It's too bad we're out of town... This is no fun! Thank goodness the yummy waffles this morning helped brighten the day.


All kinds of family and friend time

We're enjoying our time with family and friends here in the Dallas area. Jordan is such a big, happy girl.... Even though we finally have more teeth arriving!! That's right, her eye teeth are coming in. That will leave just the bottom four to take their time in arriving.

So the teeth are keeping Jordan from eating a lot -- She just doesn't seem very hungry. But she is a ton of fun to watch run around, play with my aunt and uncle's dog Murphy. She even got to meet an old college friend who I haven't seen since 1996. That makes me feel old. When you say "old college friend" and the distance since college is past ten years. That is old.

Anyway, Jordan is having fun and doing what I wanted her to do: Offer smiles to my family who deserves all of them!

A big fun moment during this trip was when we went to a store where you can enjoy tea... AND love dolls. They sell awesome dolls and even have a nursery! We loved looking at the many, many dolls that I KNOW she'd love to play with if I had hundreds and hundreds of dollars to spare. Either way, she had a blast. I also got to go to IKEA today with her where I found a very special doll bed that was totally affordable. I can't wait for the holidays and her birthday.


Getting ready for travel

Jordan and I have many trips in the next few weeks. Tuesday we're heading off to spend time with my aunt and uncle. The big goal: Hand out lots and lots of hugs and smiles.

After that, we're home for a little more than a week before our next trip: Building a new version of Jordan's prosthetic. Jordan's arm has grown at least an inch in the last year and the sensor that triggers her "hand" to open and close is really inconsistent. We (Jordan's therapists and I) are pretty darn sure that if we could have a consistent trigger, we could get her to open and close that hand by choice. Jordan is a pretty bright kid.

So that's exciting... And exhausting. I'm trying to think of interesting ways to hold her attention and excitement while she sits on my lap. These are probably the last trips we can take with her on my lap -- 2 year olds must be in their own seat. Books work pretty well these days. Elmo is king in her world. So that probably means we'll read Elmo books. She also loves dancing. LOVES dancing. But dancing in our seat will probably be annoying to our seat mates. I'd love some ideas. We haven't been on a plane in almost a year since we started driving crazy amount of miles for mega-trips to Florida and the Northeast.


Another casting experience

We are on our way to getting Jordan a new UCBL -- a foot brace that will help Jordan stand with her feet flat. Getting her feet fixed will help the way she walks and the way she holds her legs. This also means that we will be able to buy shoes again!! I really look forward to that. There were two great things about today's casting. First, they used fiberglass instead of plaster. It hardened much faster and was a lot less messy. Second, Jordan was SO good. She smiled, she was really interested in the process. There was no screaming or crying. That was a relief.

We also got to pick out a design and color scheme for her new braces. Of course I picked pink because I've gone from an absolute ANTI-PINK person to an absolute PINK PRO. I guess I'm okay with that. It is a funny turn in two years.