That was kind of wierd
I took Jordan to the grocery store today. Just as we were walking in I noticed a table of Girl Scouts selling cookies. That was no big deal, but I immediately recognized my OB-GYN who almost delivered Jordan (she kind of flew out on her own... seconds before my doctor ran into the room). Anyway. I sort of never went back to the doctor after Jordan's birth. I was really unhappy about the fact that no one noticed a missing arm in the ultrasounds. I felt a bit pressured from some family members to stay away from that practice. I just kind of backed away from the medical community for myself and focused on finding the right care for my girl. So today was the first time I've seen the doctor in almost two years (she met Jordan once when she was four-months-old). I was polite and Jordan was NOT interested in saying hi. I'm guessing Jordan felt my discomfort.
For some reason that meeting made me feel a little raw.
This doctor didn't really have a thing to do with Jordan's difference, but she put me back to that place where I first felt lost and unsure about my little baby. Of course that little baby has turned into an amazing little girl who struggles to get those pull-ups on and has mastered putting on Velcro shoes. I shouldn't feel like I felt two years ago. That OB-GYN shouldn't stir that up in me... And yet she did. Damned brain.
2 comments:
I totally get this feeling. We are people who like to be prepared. If I were in your shoes, I might have the feeling that their lack of discovery robbed me of the opportunity to be prepared for what was going to happen. That wouldn't change how much you love your child. That wouldn't change how hard you've fought for her. That wouldn't change the outcome. It would have simply allowed you the opportunity to prepare yourself with some soul-searching and research. By now, you're at peace with the outcome, but it's probably still very hard to understand how the medical professionals didn't detect what was going on. Don't beat yourself up about how you feel. I might have decked her just because.
I struggled with this too, but I did go back to my OB, mostly because I needed to know if my reactions were normal or if I needed further help. I was mad at them for awhile, but somewhere along the way, I let it go. I had to. There was just too much that bogged me down so something had to give.
I have trouble when I think about Annabelle's delivery, and even though I know that I would have been a ball of stress had I known ahead of time, I should have known. It would have made things just a tiny bit easier. I can't get that moment in her delivery back, so I just have to move on. It stinks really.
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