I decided to start blogging about Jordan from the moment I found out I was pregnant. Jordan was born with a little arm that didn't grow like most babies. Her left arm stopped just above the elbow. Now I'm committed to making sure Jordan gets everything out of life. We feel blessed to be the parents of a very special little girl.


Yup. I'm losing it.

I took the kids to get their pictures taken today... And almost immediately after I set Jordan up in a chair, she fell off it and landed on her face. She was fine. But upset... And that was kind of a symbol of the rest of my day. I think I got one, maybe two pictures out of the entire exhausting event.

I've noticed that the longer this year goes... The more emotional I react when things don't go well. I'm emotionally drained, and I'm not rebounding as well as I usually can. Today, things at work didn't go well at all. I ended up verbally sparring with Randy... And I hate doing that. I ended up angry, drained and an emotional wreck. I feel better now. But I know I have to change something about the way I'm conducting life or else I'm going to go off the deep end.

I think my Mom and Randy are right: I need an activity. I always felt like my blogging and constant photo taking was my hobby. But I get the point. I need to distance myself from the kids from time to time. I was able to do that better when it was just Cam -- Even when he was a baby. But I think Jordan's extra needs has kind of kept me from giving myself "me" time. And I know I have to work on that. The lack of me time has prevented me from losing all that baby weight. The lack of me time has prevented me from relaxing. Heck, last night I went to bed and couldn't sleep for a good hour and a half because my brain just wouldn't turn off.

Houston, Homecoming, Halloween... all kinds of other events and work items. My head kept churning. No fun.

Things have to change. I realize this. The next step: Deciding what I want to commit to. My friend Liz and I have committed to walking every Saturday morning. It's good for us, it's a good time to reconnect. Who knows. I need to keep working on things like that.

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