Simple sadness

For the last four years, we've had it really good. Really good. We've had a job that has been incredibly fulfilling, although exhausting. We have two awesome kids, although exhausting. But there's been a very fortunate family connection. My brother-in-law lives less than two hours away from us. He has been a really important part of our lives.

This morning we found out he's moving and I'm devastated. His love for us and our kids has been incredibly special... And his ease to visit has been really special to Cam and Jordan. He's one of the few people who she'll let her hold other than me. I knew this was a possibility all along. But it's rare to fall into such a comfortable pattern.

We go there, hang out, play with his fiends. The in-laws can meet us there and watch the kids while we play. We can go there, go to the zoo or a children's museum. He's always made his home our home. You just don't get that lucky. I moved a ton as a kid and I had to accept change. I'm in a position in my life where I've decided to stay put. It's a new experience. So just as I settle in, Uncle Barry has to move on.

So I will celebrate the wonderful four years we've had living so close to Uncle Barry. Maybe someday we'll be lucky enough to have him live near us again.

She has her own baseball

Here you go... My girl with her first baseball from Busch Stadium. It was hot, I got a sunburn. But she didn't seem to mind. The hardest part was keeping her hydrated even though she'd been on the BRAT diet. You know: Banana, Rice, Applesauce and Toast. I brought toast, applesauce and bananas along with Pedialyte. When the Pedialyte turned into a warm orange liquid, Jordan wasn't very interested. So we did our best with water. She seemed okay.

Today, her intestines went back to mush... So we're going to return to the BRAT at school tomorrow. Poor kid.

The good news is she's still bright and cheery unless I don't know what she wants. (It's usually something she's dropped on the floor, a piece of food on a family member's plate or a toy that is in Cam's hand.)

Jordan's physical therapist is going to meet her at school tomorrow... She ended up going out of town last week so she wasn't able to help encourage Miss Walking Jordan. Hopefully tomorrow will encourage the girl to pick up where she left off last week. That day that included a bunch of walking was an anomaly. Maybe our PT can help convince Jordan that she really does have a walking skill. Even Jordan's teachers are pretty certain she has "it" but it's going to take Jordan's wanting to use that walking knowledge.

We're so close!

In the meantime, I'm going to BRAT the girl up and hope she can get her tummy back to normal!!

Baby's first baseball game

Jordan went to her first Cardinals game today... And because her Uncle has a bunch of buddies in the left field bleachers, she got her first major league baseball just like her brother's first game! My computer is tired, I'm tired... So I'm going to have to upload my favorite picture of the day when my day calms down tomorrow.

The ouch continues

Jordan has her first official diaper rash. It started yesterday with a few stingy diapers. That usually happens when she's cutting teeth. This time her bottom is in rough shape. It was so bad that when she was at dinner tonight, she grabbed the diaper in pain. Poor kid. Most rashes have lasted last than 12 hours. This has taken over her world for more than 24 hours.

Obviously she hasn't been in pain all day. She was really happy this morning as this picture proves. Lots of fun.

I sent her off to bed tonight after reading "Goodnight Moon." I sang her a lullaby and she said "night night" as I put her in the crib. It's darn sweet.

Ouch!

I had planned to pick up the baby a little early today... But got dragged down at work. If I had gotten there earlier, I may have helped put a stop to Jordan's final hour of terror at school today. She bit one baby, got bit in return... Then she bit another kid 30 minutes later.

Once you start, it's tough to stop.

I did get Jordan to take two steps to me when I arrived. Another positive move forward.

Tantrums

I watched Jordan throw the largest tantrum at school this morning! She was trying to walk with a toy walker when she just couldn't get it to do what she wanted to do. So she sat down and just screamed. SCREAMED. Poor kid. She's big on the emotions. I wonder where she learned about that.

Take a moment to ponder her emotional brother.

Anyway. Today Jordan graduated from something... The infant cognition lab! Today was her last visit to the lab to help researchers learn about infant attention span. Jordan wasn't so thrilled to sit on my lap for long periods of time... But they said they got the results they needed. Jordan got a certificate to celebrate her time at the lab. I got slightly nostalgic that Jordan grew out of something already!

My daughter can walk!

That's right folks. Mark today down in the books. She walked many times at school today! Not just a few - 5 steps two times and 6 steps another time. They stopped counting the many two-step moments in the day. At home, she even walked a couple of steps here and there.

My girl can walk!

Our PT will be on a roll with her now!! I'm thrilled. I'm excited.

All of the teachers at school are already chuckling about how life is about to change for Cam. They're pretty sure she's going to rule life around our house and it will shock Cam's world.

Baby steps

Yesterday afternoon something little but very exciting happened. I was picking the kids up and Jordan REALLY wanted to drink water from the water fountain. So I dropped her down onto the floor and she took two baby steps before she plopped down on her butt and scooted the rest of the way.

2 BABY STEPS!!

One of the directors of the school saw it happen with me. We were both very excited.

Since then, she's stood up a couple of times by herself -- leg propelled, not holding onto anything.

We're getting sooooo close!

16 Months Old

Jordan,
Today you turned 16 months old! I can't believe you're this big. At the same time, you prove it every day. You are trying so hard to talk. I left town this past month. It was the first time I had been away from you. EVER. I was nervous. When I came back, I noticed you kept growing when I wasn't looking! You started getting aggravated when I couldn't read your mind. You've started screaming to try and drive the point home. I'm working hard on trying to show you other ways to communicate. We've been in the car on some short road trips the last two weekends. When you start your loud high-pitched squeals, it makes your dad's head spin. My tolerance level is a bit higher than his... But it can make my head spin after a while as well.

I'm pretty excited about how big you're getting. You can say night night, bye bye, hi, uh oh, dog, bubba, dudley, duck, wow, mama, dada, more, yes, no, ball... You can even make a barking sound like a dog. I know there are more. And the thing you do every time you want more of something: You say "moh!" You make the sign for "please" at the same time and flash this HUGE smile like you know you've already gotten what you want. It's an awesome, pure happiness. I smile every time.

I smile a lot with you. This is such a wonderful time watching you grow. This past month, you started getting closer and closer to walking. You got amazing at standing up on furniture and walking along all kinds of stuff. This past week, you started standing without holding onto anything. Every time you do that I brim with pride. You're figuring everything out by yourself on your own pace. You know what you want and you'll do it when you're ready. I'll be honest. It's hard for me to be patient. But I'll work on that. That's my problem, not yours.

I get to work late some mornings because you are so happy. I just can't rush out of the house. The time we spend together is probably why you cling to me. We're alone together a lot... In the morning, at appointments... You love to cuddle on me. If I'm in the room, you need to be with me. If I'm not in the room, you look for me. I'm sure that I'm to blame for that. Sorry. But as you get more and more independent, I know you won't need me as much.

By the way, you still suck your thumb every time you hold your little lamby blanket. If I ask you if you want your blankey, you smile big and beat your chest saying "please" in sign language. Once again. I smile right back at you.

Let's get to work

We had our First Steps meeting yesterday. Our PT and OT met with our case manager. It turns out that we didn't really have to have the meeting this week, but it did give us the opportunity to get approval for two months of intense PT to get Jordan into the walking mode. Since then, we've taken the family to the grandparent's house. It's clearly a better environment for walking just because it isn't Jordan's home. The best walking I've gotten is outside. That's how I caught this shot of her: Holding my hand. Notice she also happens to have a pen in her hand. Even if she's holding my hand, she feels the need to hold onto something else. I'm just thrilled to see her moving around comfortably, even if she needs assistance.

So the upped PT means Jordan will get as many as 3 PT visits at school a week for the next two months. She'll also have two a month at home. I call those visits "train mommy" time. It's great to be around family members who want to work on the walking thing along with me. Jordan's Poppy is all about finding ways to movtivate Jordan to move from one piece of furniture to the next. Another development - The girl is getting better and better at standing on her own. 10-15 seconds at a time!

You know. I read this stuff and obviously I'm obsessing on the tiniest details of Jordan's development. Randy says I'm psycho documenting Jordan's growth. I tell him it's just easier to document compared to when Cam was little. I had to build a web page a week for him... And I'm impressed I did that much. (If you're curious visit reevesbaby.com) BTW, I switched my Flickr pictures to private for friends and family only. So if you want to keep up with our photos, join flickr and request to be friends with NerdyMom. If you use a funky username, you may want to identify yourself. If I don't know who you are, I'll assume you're an amputee freak and I'll block you from coming near my flickr account.

Interesting meeting

Jordan went to work with me this morning because she had a meeting with the physical medicine and rehabilitation doctor at a nearby rehab clinic in town. The doctor checks in with us every once and a while. We met up with him a year ago when I was struggling to find therapists for Jordan. Since then, he's offered his knowledge of the medical community and his knowledge of rehab to make sure we're staying on track. The state program is also keeping an eye on Jordan's needs, but I kind of like someone on the outside of the program making sure we are doing the right thing.

He's concerned about Jordan's left leg motion when she tries to walk. I agree. But after tomorrow's big First Steps meeting, I'm hoping we can up Jordan's PT time to really get her to focus on her walking skills. With that focused time, we should be able to knock out her leg motion problems. If it isn't better, the PM&R doc would like Jordan to visit with a pediatric specialist. I'm okay with that. I'm pretty sure this current physical challenge will go away with time. Oh. She's finally hit past 22 pounds. Today she was 22 pounds 4 ounces.

This evening, Jordan and I were following her brother up and down the driveway... He's a great motivator to get her walking. Suddenly she stopped, let go of my hand and just stood there for a good 20 seconds or so. My jaw dropped. She was sturdy and just reached her hand out again to keep walking. WOW. Cam was yelling: "WOW! Did you see that! That was so cool!!" I totally agree.

Little changes

So I did two things today. First, you clearly got to this blog because you noticed that I changed the URL for this blog: bornjustright.blogspot.com
I decided that as my site gets more activity, I should transition out of a URL that includes our last name.

I also asked for special treatment for Jordan for the first time ever. Of course I've asked Jordan's care takers to try to pay attention to her therapeutic needs, but I've never demanded that. I'm just lucky to have teachers who love Jordan and who are willing to put in the extra effort. But as she starts walking and gets better at new skills, she's going to need a few helpful things. So I'm trying to plan ahead. When Jordan gets bigger and moves to the bigger kid room (around 18 or 19 months), she's going to start going down stairs. At her school, there is only a kid-height railing on the left side when you're going down. That isn't very helpful for a right-handed only child. So I asked the owner of Jordan's school to consider putting a kid-height railing on the other side. I realize this is a change that is solely for Jordan's needs. But I did talk about it with a couple of teachers and they think it would be helpful for all kids. I still felt a little funny asking.

The semester is wrapping up and my students are FLIPPING out. They have the majority of the class due by this Monday and the Monday after that. Many of them have waited until the last minute. It's ugly, it's unfortunate and I'm exhausted thinking about it. I also found out that I didn't get a provost's teaching award for the second year in a row. I'm disappointed because I put my heart and soul into my work. I'm also disappointed because we could have really used the money that came with the award. But I'll plug on, keep working hard.

Here's a little slideshow of Jordan's week-by-week pictures for the year so far.

Oh I remember this

Cameron started this screaming thing earlier in life. I forgot the mind-bending stress that comes from a child who can't communicate enough. And this all happened while I was away!! We have a lot more screaming in the house. I've also noticed things are aggravating her for the first time... Or at least she's verbally expressing the aggravation: Taking a Mega Block apart, getting raisins out of a little box... I could go on with the list. I know she'll figure out answers to these challenges, but in the meantime I get screams.

Oy.

And I thought Vegas was loud.

Wow. Could you get some words please?

We're soundly in the phase where my girl needs more words. She has taken to screaming a lot since I got back into town. Really painful screaming. I'm using words back with her, asking her to use the few signs that she knows... But she will fall into a ball of tears and an on-the-floor tantrum if I can't figure out what she's asking. It's rough. I know it's hard when you can't communicate. I'm thankful she isn't hitting the floor with her head or doing any real physical damage to herself. But add in a tantrum across the dinner table from her brother at the same time... It's mind-bending stress.

But along with the screaming communication, Jordan's getting braver with holding my hand and walking. It really is stunning how she walks better when she's anywhere other than our house. She walks better outside, inside a tent and at my cousin's house.

Randy put our new tent up in the backyard -- Going inside totally freaked Jordan out and then suddenly it was the coolest place around. She started walking around me and there she was: Standing. It lasted about 5 seconds. I'd have to say it was the longest standing moment I've seen with her. I have a meeting with our First Steps coordinator on Friday along with Jordan's occupational and physical therapists. Hopefully we'll be able to get our PT into Jordan's classroom on an intense level for the next month or two. Her PT thinks focused time with Jordan away from me will be very productive and help push Jordan into walking full time. I keep thinking that she isn't as fearful about her safety as Cam was because she's willing to climb stairs... But I watch other kids learning to walk and I realize she really likes things the way they are. She doesn't like pushing herself into something new physically. That's why it took her so long to notice her little arm when she was 4 months old. That's why it took her so long to sit or sit up by herself. Why do I have kids that are worried about their physical safety? It's strange.

Anyway. Here comes another week... Crazy schedules and all kinds of juggling between work and kids. Standard stuff and I'm tired just thinking about it. Did I mention I had a sinus infection last week? The drugs make me tired and a little dizzy. Oh well. Just another hurdle to jump over.

She loves me

I stopped by school to see the kids when I got home this morning. Jordan saw me from across the room, threw her hand high in the air and started waving.

I walked (fast walk) over to her, sat down and gave her big hugs. She just hugged me and would lift her head up to look at him with a HUGE smile and go back to hugging me. She kept doing it. That smile, it was awesome. It stunk needing to go to work. But when I got back to her this evening, the smiles were back.

It's good to be back.

I'm getting closer to home

Amazing. I've bumped into and talked to so many people on this trip... Many who I've worked with in other markets or know through the many, many connections you make in the broadcast industry. But in the end, I think I got to know a lot of my students a little better. I also helped many of them make connections and get closer to finding a job. I have one of the best jobs in the world.

I miss my kids and I can't wait to go home.

2 hour time difference

This 2 hour time difference has kept me from talking to Jordan since I left town yesterday. She's always in bed - either taking a nap or sleeping for the night. It sucks. But it sounds like she's doing fine without me.

I'm having a pretty good time -- Went to a crazy, trendy bar tonight. Got hit on by an Itallian who I told how my 5 year old can speak Itallian, but I can't. Then I walked away to chat with my students/friends. I met a couple of Australians and a bunch of girls who went to summer camp with one of my students when he was in high school. Strange stuff.

Vegas is so large and strange. My biggest question is why to parents bring their kids here? I really want to know. This is a grown up's play land and I can't imagine bringing children here. I'm confused by that.

I have all kinds of morning meetings so I should go to bed. I miss the family and I can't wait to go home. But it was fun to go out to a bar and dance VERY silly with my students. I didn't feel too lame, but only because one of our students dances like she's the whitest white girl on the planet and it was so fun to watch and giggle that it made my night.

Getting my head into the game

I'm going to a conference today... I'm leaving the family, the whole family for the first time since we became a family of four. I'll be back late, late Wednesday, so I won't really see the family until Thursday. I'm a little nervous for some reason. So I have to get my head into the game. I'm hoping to help get my students jobs, build more contacts for the university and find some opportunities and products that might help make my job easier.

So I have to finish packing.

But first, I learned about a new blog: Failure to Form. He tipped me off on a fantastic quote by Hall of Famer Ferguson Jenkins:

"When you start out with a disadvantage, you have to work harder to do what others take for granted In the end, that gives you an advantage."

He said that quote when he was talking about Mordecai Brown who became a Cubs pitcher even though he had suffered a farm accident that badly damaged his hand.

But that quote... It's so fitting for my kid and all our limb different kids... or any kid that was born with a challenge.

How is she doing....

A lot of people check in on me to see how Jordan is doing. Usually one of the first questions is: "How is she doing with her prosthetic arm?" And I have a hard time answering that.

Jordan is using her prosthetic arm more. She can throw it up onto a table, chair, stair to climb or stand up. She holds her arm more sturdy and balanced. But she's still stiff. She still doesn't hold onto things with her hand and prosthetic hand. She's better at pre-walking without it on. I'm not sure why.

I know the prosthetic is helping her in some ways and hindering her in others and that leaves me very torn. I want her to feel comfortable in both ways. It's just hard. As I've said before. I wish it were easier. But Jordan is lucky. She doesn't know any other way. That will certainly help her in everything she does. But that torn feeling remains in the pit of my stomach. I can never really say what I want to say when I'm asked about Jordan's prosthetic. Yes, she's learning ways to use it. Yes, she's doing pretty well with her prosthetic (especially now that she isn't getting heat rashes in it anymore!). Yes, she is building muscles and growing in ways she wouldn't without it. Yes, she'd be okay if she wasn't using it. Yes, I still think we made the right decision. Yes, I still question that decision from time to time. Yes, I wish someone made a how-to book on raising a child with an above elbow amputation... Anything that would tell me what to do. Maybe I'll be able to do that for someone else someday.

Easter fun

1. Easter Smiles, 2. Egg happiness, 3. Alas! An egg, 4. Playing with an egg, 5. Egg play, 6. Egg smiles, 7. Dogs sniffing a basket, 8. Bunny hugs, 9. Smiles with a bunny, 10. Hi little bunny, 11. Sly grin, 12. Peeking, 13. Jordan's basket, 14. New book, 15. She got all kinds of stuff, 16. Smiles

I don't know why, but I kept visiting these pictures online today because the pictures make me smile.

I changed the name

The blog has a new name. I decided "Jordan and Me" wasn't witty enough. I work with words. So this one feels right: Born Just Right. She was born just the right way. I love her and she's perfect. And she's right handed. Completely right handed. Just right.

I like the play on the words. I like to play with the girl.

I've uploaded TONS of pictures to Flickr. But one little story.

I took Jordan to the grocery store today. We had so much fun and I just kept smiling the whole time I was there. Jordan was bright, smiley and LOVING her new bunny. (you can see pictures on Flickr) As I left the cash register with her I couldn't remember the last time I had so much fun spending 114 dollars. I wasn't stressed out at all while I was there. I wasn't worried, I wasn't dealing with Cam begging for a snack or something at the store. I just had fun. And I reveled in the moment with my girl. It won't always be this easy to get enjoyment out of our time together. It was special and simple and we just smiled together.

What a weekend

Little Miss had a heck of a weekend... Her brother had a huge party yesterday and today the Easter bunny delivered all kinds of cool stuff. I learned a good lesson: Jordan is not the kind of kid you can pose for pictures. But in the end, I caught some AWESOME shots. I just can't get the girl in a good shot with her brother. It's kind of driving me nutty. The kids love each other, but they can't smile together.

I've worked hard trying to get the girl walking. She's doing a fantastic job. Our physical therapist thinks I need to buy a bunch of overalls for the girl so I can get a good grip on her when she needs a little help with balance. I have no overalls. I gave them all away. I figured they were too "boy-ish." Now I have to go beg all of the families at Jordan's school to borrow overalls for the next month to help the girl walk. I think that's kind of funny.

Interesting experience

So I was helping edit video for a conference this past week. Yesterday I had to bring Jordan in with me for a little while. She came in while a panel discussion was underway. Every once and a while, she had to babble about how happy she was with her apple slices. I'd shush her and hand her milk to drink. It was sweet. She was so happy and smiley in her stroller. I was able to keep working. It was great.

At the end of the panel talk, I went to the front to talk to the conference attendees and Jordan could hear my voice. So I said hi to her and mentioned that my daughter was in the room. So all kinds of people had to come over and say hi. Miss Smiles was putting on quite a sweet show. People said hi and moved on.

A couple of people came back to play with her more (after they opened up the cash bar). And eventually some of them were willing to ask about her arm. I had been commenting on how awesome she was doing with her walking skills. That's when one of the guys (it was all guys, I don't know why, but that seemed strange) said that other people were whispering "she doesn't have an arm!" And he said how strange it was to see people walk away instead of ask questions. Our culture is so scared of differences. I'll be honest. I'm not sure how I would have handled meeting a baby with a missing arm 15 months ago. Probably the wrong way.

I honestly see my ability to raise Jordan as publicly as possible will not only help her feel more comfortable in this perfectionist world, but it will also help inform so many people that you don't have to look "perfect" to be wonderful.

Today Jordan had her 15 month check up. She's 21 pounds, 8 ounces. She's 30 and a half inches long. 25th percentile on weight. 50th percentile on height. She's doing just great. I'm still shocked to have the skinny baby. Cam was a monster!! Jordan had three shots this morning. It was the first time she didn't handle it well at all. Poor baby. I took the band-aids off tonight and she cried like I just gave her the shots again. It was miserable. I just cuddled and snuggled her and sang her a lullaby before she went to bed.

Sudden Realization

I picked up Jordan at school today... And she made MASSIVE strides towards walking. She can go long distances by herself using the play walker when she's outside. Today, she made her next big step towards walking: She will hold your hand and walk distances. I did it with her a bunch of times. WE HELD HANDS AND WALKED!!! How sweet is that?

You can see a little bit of her walking skills right here:



I'm working at a conference these next couple of days and got to bring Jordan with me while Daddy and Cam went to their first T-ball practice. She showed me all of her growing walking skills.

That's when I realized the fact, the real fact of life. My girl is going to walk for the first time without me around. I happened to catch Cam's first steps just because I was lucky. I had just come home from work and his babysitter and I were floored by what we had just seen. I know she's going to do it without me. She's too busy at school to wait for me.

I am going to start working on this new reality. I'll be okay. Really. (I'll convince myself eventually)

Poor baby

I didn't have the heart to take a picture. But this afternoon, I was helping Jordan walk around in the backyard when Dudley came up and started licking Jordan's face. Then he rolled onto his back and scraped her face. It's minor. But it made me sad. My poor baby got her first scratch on that beautiful skin. I'm a total dork. I just feel bad that I didn't shoo the dog away.

Anyway. The family took Jordan's big brother, the birthday boy to the movies this afternoon. I figured it would be worth the try to try to get all four of us in the theater to enjoy a little popcorn and big screen action. A little more than half-way through, Jordan was done. She had no interest in staying on my lap, eating any type of snack foot, drinking water or walking between Daddy and I. She started peeking into the row in front of us and waving hello. Then she just started getting angry. We hung out in the entry way and waited. It's a bummer, but I know Cam appreciated us all being at the movie with him for as long as we did.

I'm exhausted... And I have a really long week ahead. I should stop blogging and focus. It was a long weekend, and I don't really want to work until 2am (which has become a Sunday night tradition).

Wow. Things change fast

I got stuck at work late today because we finally launched the new and improved KOMU.com! (hooray!) So my in-laws got to be there with Jordan when our PT worked with her. Miss Jordan "walked" for an entire 30 minutes. Up and down the driveway, along the little walkway. She just wanted to go, go, go. I'm proud. I also kind of think that the day wouldn't have been as productive if I was there. So I'm proud.

The girl is babbling a TON. She's trying to copy words. She so happy to get involved in our dinner conversations. She's still eating all kinds of foods (past the time when her brother made the decision that bread products were the only things he would eat). It's just fun.

15 Months Old

15 Months Old
Originally uploaded by NerdyMom.

She's growing so fast. But you know, I've been able to slowly work into the toddler world with Jordan. The lucky part of not having a walking toddler is how I've been able to watch her personality grow, her language grow... Her love of the world and communication grow. I'm not focusing my attention on her need for walking speed. She scoots fast, but it isn't as efficient as walking. And that gives me more time to hold her, sit with her and just play. At this age, Cam was so on the go, my head was spinning. My world with Jordan is going to change into something like that soon. But I have to say I'm lucky to have enjoyed an extended "baby time." But with more communication. Girl knows what she wants and I'm getting good at reading it.

Jordan is doing a fantastic job at walking with my help. It's a really new thing. I hold onto her hips and she is moving - both left and right foot going forward. I'm thrilled. I'm scared. I hope we'll be able to continue to make so much progress. I got an email from a parent web page that said: "Happy 15 month old birthday. At this age, 90 percent of kids walk." I shouldn't care. But I do... Just a little bit.

One other little note: Her top molars started poking through this week. Must be why her nose has been drippy and her cough returned. She still doesn't drool.

So this is what I do

Here's a truthful parody of my industry... except I work on the local level. Honest. We're not as swarmy.

What We Call the News | Send To Friends | Funny Animations at JibJab

Oh dear. I'm obsessed.

So I'm falling deeper and deeper into this little blog world. I like it. It's nice to find other mommies out there who understand what's going on. Sometimes I link over to visit with BethGo and find her to be a wonderful support source. Sometimes I visit Imperfect Mommy to check on my friend's wife and kids or Sweetney who happens to be very kind to my brother. But now I've started visiting all kinds of other Mommy blogs through these two blogging groups I've joined (notice the links to the left). I feel like I'm spying, even though these other Moms have welcomed me by being a part of these groups. I'm a bit hooked though. I have a new website to help launch at work (a new and improved KOMU.com coming to a computer soon). The majority of my web crew is on vacation this week, so I should be copy editing everything that's online right now.

Anyway. That's the strange thing I'm going through right now. And a tiny sidebar to that. Every time I look at a photo of a child in these blogs. I have to be honest. I look at the hands first to see if there are any differences. It's a bad habit.

Oh! And one other thing. A friend of mine has started a new jewelry business. She has beautiful stuff. I highly recommend her work!!

One other thing that I've been pondering. I realize that I don't talk to a ton of my friends anymore. I'm so self-consumed with my little world. I worry that my blogs allow me to consume myself even more. Then there's my dear friends who don't have to call me to see what's going on... Because my life is available right here on this blog and Cam's blog. I have no idea what they're up to. So if you're a pal of mine and I haven't talked to you in a while, please leave a comment. Let me know you're okay. And I'm sorry I don't call enough. I'm sorry I don't send enough personal emails. I'm just sorry I'm not giving you the time and attention a friend should give you!!

Taking a stand

As I had mentioned earlier this week... I didn't take many pictures of the kids over the weekend. But this one makes me proud. She stood up at the door all by herself. She wanted to watch her brother while I cooked dinner.

It's sweet because she chanted: "Dog! Dog!" And "Bubba! Bubba!" Who knows if she was calling to Bubba the dog or trying to say "brother." Probably both. She loves them both a lot.

So big

I swear Jordan is trying to say "brother." Today we watched her big brother pedaling his new bike all by himself. Big day. We watched him ride up and down a nearby parking lot. She just waved and tried to say "brother." Very cool stuff.

After he rode the bike, she wanted to check it out too. She was lucky to get instruction on how to ride a bike from her now-expert big brother.

Classic weekend

Although daddy wasn't around this weekend, I have to say we had a really good time. It was one of those weekends where I focused so deeply on the kids, that I didn't even think of finding the camera. I pulled out the camera phone a couple of times.

We were outside or doing something all day. Church, Sunday school, napping, playing, shopping and we even spent some great time at the library. Jordan was scooting and pulling up on all kinds of things. The big shocker for me: She pulled up into a couple of little kid chairs. It was cool. Of course, I was reveling in her sitting skill when she suddenly lunges forward to touch the table... but the chair wasn't pushed in. So she head plants into the little table. Fortunately, it was a rounded edge table. I caught her before she fell on her face, but she'll have a bit of a bruise there. It's so hard to not hover over her. She has to learn her boundaries. But watching her bump and bruise up isn't fun. Cam went through it too. This isn't a new experience for me. But it's never fun to watch!

By the way. The girl LOVES oranges. You should have seen her tear though them at church. It was especially fun to hear a parent say: "I wish my child ate like that."

Big strides

Jordan's physical therapist worked with her today... And we've both come to the conclusion that we just can't get much therapy done when I'm around. I'm the comfort zone. I'm not supposed to force her to do things she doesn't want to do. So she's going to look into getting permission from my case manager to work with Jordan at school. She'd like to up the time with her and really get focused on walking. She really thinks Jordan is weeks away from the skill.

After today, I really think it's possible.

She was pulling up onto just about anything: the fridge, the stove, the door, any type of chair, my leg, statues at the local garden where we spent hours playing today.

Jordan's therapist also put new inserts into her shoes... Hopefully that is helping as well. The inserts have really helped her right foot. Without a shoe on, she holds that foot flat on the ground. It's fantastic.

The hardest part in watching Jordan finally gain better skills in cruising along furniture and pulling up to stand at things is watching when she fails. Without that second hand, her leverage is tenuous at best... And that little arm can be very slippery. I watched her crash to the floor a lot today. And I can't gasp in horror or cry out, or else she will lose it and give up trying. But I just want to pick her up each time and do it for her. But she has to learn. It's really hard. But it thrills me to watch her have this problem. She really wants to stand up more. When I put her down, she holds her body into a standing position for a little time, or she chooses to stand at my legs. All of these little developments are a really big deal.

I took Jordan to the nearby fountain and garden this afternoon with her brother -- she stood along all kinds of things -- even tried to climb into the planter that is around the fountain. She almost did it, then sat down and clapped for herself. Plain cute.

The one thing I regret was not taking a camera along for the fun. I gave her a grocery-store boxed ice cream cone and it turned into a very big mess. I have yet to clean up the sticky stroller.

How she grows

I've been drowning in work, child care and travel. I haven't been posting about my world enough lately. But I have to say life with my girl is getting more and more interesting. For a couple of days, the boys of the family were out of town enjoying basketball. So I got to enjoy Jordan time to myself. She and I played outside and enjoyed some good giggles and talking about the dogs. She loves saying: "Hi Bubba!" Bubba is our little black pug dog. She ADORES our dogs.

Jordan got to enjoy her brother's performance in "Curious George and the Puppies." She was more interested in the fact that there was someone sitting in front of us and could kick.

Then we went off to enjoy a little basketball fun with family and friends. It was really my first time with Jordan away from home since she's gotten a bit more adventurous and mobile. She was climbing up steps, scooting and pulling up on a bunch of furniture. I was tired!

To make the past week more exhausting, I agreed to analyze 60 different news websites for a national contest. 60 websites is a lot of work... Especially since more broadcast companies use similar content management systems. I was trying really hard to find the elements where each station was trying to (get ready for this one) break outside of the content manager box. (yeah, I'm talking like I'm teaching my class) This hard work has been pretty exhausting. I'm happy to be done.

So here's a little blast from the past:

powered by ODEO

I'm tinkering with an embeddable audio player for my work web page. I have a reporter who is working on a story with images and audio... and I'd like to use our standard content manager to post the items.

While I was out of town with Jordan, we got her new, expensive shoes. It turns out her feet were an entire size bigger!! That's kind of surprising. The shoes are cute. I did buy little bells that you put over the shoe tie to keep Jordan from undoing the shoes. It's kind of cute, but tricky to get on in the morning if Jordan isn't in a good mood. Hopefully better fitting shoes will help her with moving around!

Oh... Best part of last week: I took Jordan and Cam to the children's museum that we love to visit. This was the first time Jordan was old enough to really love it there. She stood up and enjoyed so many different experiences: blocks, water, sand... toys. It was wonderful. I'll try to get pics uploaded to Flickr soon.

She stood up!

After months and months and months of encouraging Jordan... Today, I walked into her room to say good morning and I watched her stand up in her crib. SHE STOOD UP!!

I'm so proud. I picked her up, spun her around and read her all of her favorite books.

Some work to do

I've been trying to work with Jordan on her walking with very little progress. Today we met with her physical therapist and she said we have some intense work to do. But if we do that, she thinks we could get Jordan walking in a month or two.

So here's what we have to do... Never just plop her down into a sit. And we have to get into a habit of always walking to certain spots in the house. We'll start with always walking to the high chair to eat. She didn't like it this evening... But she also had been walking around the house a lot this afternoon with her therapist. That is hard work.

The therapist is going to see if our state program will approve working with Jordan two times a week for a month so we can hit this effort really hard... But first, we have to work on Jordan's left leg. Apparently, her right leg is doing a really good job going through the motions of walking. Her left leg shoots out too much to the side. We have to keep teaching her how to move her leg well. I'm not sure how yet, but I'm going to spend more time focusing on walking. We'll also work on her shoe lift... Get it forcing her left foot flat more. At this point, her right foot is figuring that out.

I try not to get worried about Jordan's physical needs. She always figures it out eventually. But I want to help her as best I can. I worry I can't give her enough time to focus on walking. I know the teachers at school can't do it all the time. So the walking task at school will be anytime the kids are walking outside. We'll have Jordan walk out as well. Our therapist is recommending I scrounge up a bunch of overalls... without snaps in the legs so you can actually tug onto her and keep her up. Yikes!

Another rash

A day "airing out" Jordan's little arm didn't really help get rid of her heat rash. So I put some cream on it before bed time and I hope it helps. I've been obsessively cleaning the prosthetic, so I know that's not the reason behind her rash this time around.

The day ended with Jordan seeming more like herself. I can't see any teeth poking, but I may not be looking in the right place. I do know that she's madly in love with her brother and the dogs... They make her giggle the most. And honestly, she could sit outside all day and giggle manically and say "dog" again and again and again. I have to get video of the laugh. She has two kinds: hysterical laughter (from tickles and outright silliness) or mischievous laugher (from seeing things she likes or doing something she's proud of).

Oh and one other thing. Without her prosthetic, my girl climbed up 5 stairs all by herself. It's cool and scary all at the same time.

Words, words and more words

Jordan's words came spilling out this past weekend. Now she's trying very hard to copy things I say and she's saying things more and more. Yesterday she said hi to a teacher and actually said something that sounded like her name... And as I commented on her flowers, Jordan said: Flawwww.

Here's a cute moment of Jordan over the weekend:


If you can't see it, go here.

At the same time, something is going on with her -- She's been crying in her sleep. She had a long crying spell at school (which is TOTALLY strange). I think she's cutting teeth, but she just seems to be acting a little odd. And another challenge: things are getting hot here for the first time and Jordan's arm sprouted a heat rash yesterday after wearing her prosthetic. I feel terrible for her. Not to mention, if this was the very first warm day, what is she going to do when it's hot every day? It's a bummer.

More family time

Jordan got to hang out with all of us this weekend... Along with Grandma Lee! As a part of her visit, Jordan started using more words again: "hi," "dada," "bubba," "dudley," "dog," "duck," and "night night."

Big fat sweet moment: I was rocking her in my arms just before I put her down into her crib. I told her night night and she waves her hand and said: "night night."

I melted. It was so perfect.

Things are warming up again. I bought her a jacket that's too big for her -- but easier to fit her prosthetic... And easier to roll it up for her little arm when she isn't wearing her robot arm.

Testing this

Times change

As Jordan and I got our day rolling this morning, I had a knock on the door. Crews were here to clear some branches so the power company could tighten our power lines (it was droopy in the backyard... and as Cam gets older, the scarier that droopy line seemed). I showed the crew a tree that was threatening the power lines and convinced them to take the tree down as well. It really stinks to have to say goodbye to a tree.

The tree was rotting from the bottom and was going to fall. It had to happen. But I had to take a picture of it to remember. It's the tree in the middle of this picture. Why am I so sentimental? Well, first I'll miss its shade. But most of all, it's my favorite hide-and-seek tree with Cam. I have used it to avoid his poor ability to seek for years.

But what made me very sappy, was just knowing that Jordan never had a chance to enjoy that tree. So I leave this picture for her to know about it someday.

The upside of it all: We don't have a droopy power line anymore. Let the backyard volleyball commence!

In a funk

I've been a bit down today... So it's great to know I have my kids to bring in the smiles. I let Jordan take a big long morning nap before heading to work today. She decided to try and play with head bands that are too big for her head... and just slightly too small for mine. She thinks it's funny when we both wear them at the same time. As you can see in this picture, she's giving me my head band for silly dress up time.

Cutest moment not caught on camera: I snuck in to watch Jordan nap and found her sleeping butt-up. You know, curled up in a ball, with the butt sticking up in the air. It's the sweetest thing and I've never seen her sleep that way before. It was Cam's constant sleep position when he was a baby... And I'll tell you: he sometimes still does!

How much is too much

I've hit the classic working mom hump. My husband has decided that I'm not doing enough at home and too much at work. What is the right balance? How important is our housework compared to the time I spend with the children?

My priorities are my kids, my family and my job over housework. Apparently I have to drop some work items and place more importance on the housework.

I'll be honest. I don't know what I'm going to drop. But clearly I'm going to have to drop something.

Outside fun

Scooting through the chalk art
Originally uploaded by Jen.

We are slowly getting outside again as the ice and snow melts and the sun is out longer. Jordan came out to enjoy the cold pavement and chalk with her brother and I. She didn't do a lot of drawing, but she did seem to enjoy trying to chew on chalk and scoot around on our colorful art.

Her butt was covered in dirt and chalk... And I didn't care. She's missing out on some great parts of Spring because she wants to move around, but can't walk yet. I guess I could let her scoot around in the dirt and mud, but I'm too prissy to let her do that. I opened up and at least let her get dirty and dusty on the driveway.

She loved it. Jordan, Cam and I took a walk earlier in the day and she just grinned and laughed, even if the wind was a bit chilly. The outdoors just make Jordan bright and cheerful. The natural effects of the sun work instantly for her.

As I drew with the kids, I realized the joy on their faces and the art on the ground deserved some camera time. This is my favorite picture... I didn't pose it, it just happened.

Family weekend

Jordan got to spend the weekend with her Grandma and Poppy... While I judged contest entries all day on Saturday. It was an honor to be a part of the judging process, but MAN did it take a long time. I missed a whole day with the family.

But here's the moment every Mom wants. I came home while the family was eating dinner. I walk in and there's Jordan waving her hand and little arm to say hi. She was SO happy and it made me smile. You know, the deep-down smile where you feel warm in your belly. Her bright little face. It was just a great moment.

She started chanting "no no no no no" this weekend. Yuck. The funny thing is most of the time she's not really saying no to mean no. She's just saying it because it's a word. Hopefully it's just a beginning for words that help her feel like she's communicating... And won't need to scream.

Another thought... I've noticed I'm obsessing on two-handed kids again. Maybe I'm really just obsessing on kids that can walk. I'm not sure. But it feels like I go through waves where I'm still dealing with a little sadness and jealousy towards other families. It's silly though. Jordan doesn't know any different... Her world is complete. Hell, my world is complete. But every once and a while, I just wish it was as simple as other families have it. Pulling up to stand isn't even something you notice, because it's so easy. Going out doesn't require finding a jacket that fits over the prosthetic arm. I don't want pity... I guess I just want it to be easier. In reality, things aren't that difficult in our world. Jordan needs therapy, she isn't walking, but she is growing, learning and so happy. I shouldn't complain. I'm just a little jealous lately.

Three days in a row

It's like this blog has taken a fast turn into the negative about Jordan's world. I don't mean to do that. But here's the latest news: She has bitten a child at school three days in a row.

I think she's aggravated. I feel bad for her and her hand biting victims.

This is a hard time in a kid's life. There aren't enough words, teeth are ripping through your mouth and in Jordan isn't as mobile as most of the kids in the room. Not to mention, all kids want the world to revolve around themselves. It makes it a breeding ground for biting.

I'm not sure how you fix it. Consequences are a lesson that we're just starting to teach. You can't drop her off at school and say: Okay Jordan, don't bite today. Okay?

So I'm hoping this phase just goes away soon.

Here you go

This video is kind of painful. The cry is brutal. It's also for show. Notice how she turns it off on the turn of a dime.



If you can't watch it, click here.

She doesn't like to be told what to do

Jordan has a new habit of throwing her food to the dogs. Usually she starts when she isn't hungry anymore. This morning she started throwing the food before she even ate it. I caught her and told her to stop throwing with a stern voice. And she started crying like I beat her to a pulp. I crushed her soul.

Now if I look at her any way other than with a smile, she collapses into tears. I'll add video later today. You can tell when I give her a smile, the crying just stops.

Gee. I wonder if she understands what I'm saying.

Can someone turn down the volume?

Jordan needs more words. She desperately needs more words. She was doing pretty well with her sign language, but her hands can't demand a toy, item or food as well as screaming.

It's high pitched, loud and mind bending.

I'm usually pretty patient about this kind of stuff. But tonight I took her out of her high chair and declared her dinner over. She's already eaten a ton and figured whatever she was demanding had nothing to do with food.

Last night she was screaming while I writhed in pain from a strange stomach bug that hit me. I went downstairs to see if I could help, but the noise and smell of dinner forced me back to bed. I'm better now, but it wasn't fun. I'm just praying Jordan doesn't catch it.

Busy weekend

I had all kinds of moments this weekend where I wanted to take pictures of Jordan and Cam... But Randy and I decided to actually move into our house almost 4 years since we moved here. We took apart the non-public side of our basement -- where the laundry piles up and boxes have sat stagnant for years. There are many, many bags of trash in the garage, I have piles of books to donate and take to work. I discovered all kinds of items that belong to an office that we don't have in this house.

But we actually have space in the back. We were motivated because of an offer for a free refrigerator. We needed to make room for it. And now there's even room for the dogs to hang out when they need to hide.

In the meantime, the kids put up with their parents working. Yesterday included therapy for Jordan. She did a great job and I learned new ways to encourage her to try to walk. I tried it on my own today... It isn't easy, but hopefully she'll start catching onto the idea.

Before bedtime, I got both kids in the tub. It's the funniest thing and I caught a moment on my cellphone:


If you can't see it, go to here.

I think we're funny

Dude. Where's my arm?
Originally uploaded by Jen.

I love this t-shirt. It makes me happy. I've waited for Jordan to grow into it and immediately made her play on the floor so I could take a picture. Silly me.

Jordan was up really late Wednesday night, so she slept in late. Past 9am! I was luckily working later into the day so I just let her sleep while I worked at home. We had a Parents as Teacher's meeting where Jordan got to show off her communication skills and amazing fine motor skills. She's amazing to watch.

I had a busy day at a conference on campus. Jordan got to attend this conference dinner last year because she was young and I wasn't ready to start pumping yet. She also went with me for another conference last May. So lots of people were asking about her. I pulled out the camera and showed off this picture. I'd have to say, not as many people have the sense of humor I have.

But the funny thing is... If I took the t-shirt off, would her arm suddenly appear? No. So why not keep a sense of humor? Why not proudly display my beautiful baby? And why not happily display the fact that I'm happy just the way she is... With a dose of humor.

The good news? The newsroom loved the shirt. Jordan's school loved the shirt. And those are the places where Jordan is the most... And I'm glad the people I'm around the most are comfortable with our world just the way it is.

She can taunt

This morning I watched Jordan joyfully taunt the pug with a Cheerio. She held it out from her high chair and lured the dog closer. Then she pulled the Cheerio away while giggling. She did it again. He got closer. She pulled pack. She taunted him until he jumped up onto the high chair, sniffed the Cheerio and she pulled back, giggled and ate it.

She taunts!

Apparently a teacher watched her do the same thing to a younger baby with a goldfish cracker.

I didn't teach her that skill. I think it's pretty funny... Until she starts taunting Cam. Then things will get challenging.

Great day

Jordan did such a fantastic job in therapy today. She climbed up and down the little step between the living room and the foyer many times with her arm off and on. AWESOME! She's getting braver and braver! It makes me so proud to watch her. We figured out how to get her to do that: Food. That motivation helped us really get her moving today. And she didn't cling to me. She was independent and happy to move.

At school she did okay -- But didn't sleep well again. I'm hoping she'll figure out how to make it work. Last week she pulled of 2 hours of sleeping one day.

When we got home, Jordan cooed and babbled during dinner. Then she climbed all over Randy, the coffee table, Cam's little desk and the couch. She was moving from one location to the other. She was getting up and down. It was so great to watch her happily explore, that I let her stay up a whole hour past her bedtime. Hopefully that won't hurt her mood tomorrow!

My lovely Valentine

Hanging at a Valentine's party
Originally uploaded by Jen.

Jordan had her second Valentine's Day... This time she got to have a classroom party. She was fashionable and enjoyed the yummy sugar. But thanks to a very short nap, she was pretty darn cranky and clingy when I took her to Cam's party. Not a lot of smiles. The eyes a gunky again, she's drippy and just uncomfortable. I was guessing teeth... But I just can't be sure.

The only thing that's making her smile is her brother being silly... But only when she wants to be amused. Poor kid. She isn't really being cranky to anyone other than Mommy... But I know something is going on and I'm sad about that. She's such a happy kid, hopefully I'll figure out how to make her feel more comfortable.

A big step

Jordan climbed onto the bottom step in the basement this morning. I had the phone on the fourth step, and she was trying to go after it. She was on her knees reaching when I noticed. She was stable, but when she decided she needed to get down, she wasn't sure what to do. I helped her out. We'll learn how to get down on another day... I was just so excited to see her trying to do new things! I'll probably feel differently when we're fighting to get her off the stairs every second of the day. Cam wasn't much of a stair user -- he was too concerned about his safety.

Tonight, she tried to climb into Cam's desk chair... Almost pushed the whole thing down. She's going to be dangerous very, very soon.

Baby's first haircut

Hair before and after
Originally uploaded by Jen.

Jordan is done with her baby mullet. Today her Poppy trimmed her hair for the first time. She was pretty darn good sitting on my lap, eating cheesy bunnies. She was so good! The funny thing is her thin hair... It's so fine that it was hard to collect a little memory for her baby book. You know, the baby book that I haven't really done a thing with.

Jordan enjoyed a visit with her Grandma and Poppy... Showing off her smiles and desire to move all over the place. She's doing a few fun things -- When she smiles at things she thinks is fun, she strikes a smirky smile where she kind of bites her lip and crunches up her nose. She's also tackling things. She and I were rolling a ball between us. Almost every time I rolled the ball past her a bit too far, she'll throw her entire body on top of the ball. Apparently she tackled the pug just like that. I also watched her try to roll a hot wheels car across the floor just like her brother. She pushes the car as far as she can until she falls down. Then she sits back up and does it again. It's sweet... And kind of sad at the same time. I never thought how challenging it will be to have car races along the floor with her brother. She'll find a way. I know she will.

And the biggest developmental moment of the day: She pulled herself up from the living room into the hallway. It's a tiny step up but I and her therapists haven't been able to get her up. Today she did it! All she needed was the right moment. I was so proud and gave her a HUGE hug.

Newsroom changes

Every semester I visit classes to talk about what I do, explain how they can be better journalists or advise students how they can do well in the newsroom where I work. A lot of these journalism students have a chance to sit in the newsroom and shadow different positions... And lately I've seen myself hanging out near these students and realize they don't know a ton about me. They don't have to. But every once and a while I go on and on talking about Jordan and Cameron when I realize they have no idea what I'm talking about. So when I start talking about therapy, they think I mean I'm going to a psychologist-type therapist. When I'm really talking about Jordan's physical or occupational therapist. Then when I start talking about arms and prosthetics, I just get funny looks.

A couple of days I pulled out a picture from my camera and was showing it off to someone and I offhanded said: "Here's a picture of the cutest one-armed baby in the world!" And this girl spun around and looked at me in horror. I just looked at her and said: "No really. She really is cute." Then I showed her the picture of Jordan.

I don't feel like I need to run around and tell people my entire life story, but my work life and home life mesh. Probably since Randy and I work together. But I talk about work and home all the time and I'm not in the mood to explain myself all the time... But I also don't want my world to be secret. I hope other parents with limb different kids can know that when they read Jordan's blog, that they aren't alone. I hope my students can learn that a child who is "different" isn't really that different... But there are challenges that they would have never known if I wasn't so open about it. I also think keeping a sense of humor about a missing limb keeps the "uncomfort zone" less uncomfortable.

I'm not exactly sure what I'm babbling about... Except that I hope I can be a public voice of a birth defect I really never knew existed. I was dancing around with Jordan this morning thinking how awesome she is. I wouldn't change a thing. But no one writes how-to guides about how to raise my kids... And they certainly don't tell you how to raise a self-confident, awesome, caring, limb different kid. And the only thing I can do is make sure as many people in Jordan's world know about it and are as comfortable about it as I am.

Photo drama

My digital camera died this evening. I was taking some pictures of Jordan playing in the basement when the camera just stopped focusing. I turned it off and it won't turn back on. After talking to the Sony online chat support people, they say I have to send it off for repairs. I'm so sad. It's not like I've used the camera a lot. I've posted more than 2,000 photos onto our Flickr site and I have more than 8,000 photos in my computer. I got this new camera at the end of June. I'd have to say I've taken at least 2 to 3,000 of those pictures since I got this new camera. It's a Sony DSC-W50 by the way if you were thinking about getting a new camera. I'm sad because I planned to take pictures of Jordan in her new classroom tomorrow!! I'll use my cellphone, but the picture quality isn't as goo!! What a bummer!!

Jordan had a good day in her new room. She only slept 45 minutes in the cot... It was the first time she'd ever slept in something like that. But I think when she gets used to it, she's going to nap longer than she ever has before at school. She also do an art project and had a ton of fun on the tumbling mats in the room. She was really happy to see me when I got there. She even called me "Mom!"

Mission accomplished

I dropped Jordan off in her new room. I was slightly nostalgic, and brought her old teachers flowers to thank them for their unending love to Jordan. She's so lucky to have had them helping her grow and learn about the world for the last 10 months.

When I put Jordan into her new room, it was like she was mesmerized by all the big kids. She just sat with them and drank some water with the rest of them... Until one of the toddlers started tugging on Jordan's prosthetic arm. That sent her into some unhappy screams, but she got over it pretty quickly.

Today she's going to sleep on a cot for the first time, I told them to take her arm off just so she'd be more comfortable. Tomorrow I'll teach them how to put it back on. It felt kind of strange... I took her bottles and extra sippy cups back to the car. I watched her get excited with the rest of the kids as they went to the reading area for a story. I look forward to finding out how the day goes! She seemed pretty happy -- Heck, she didn't even noticed when I left!

By the way, she didn't start in her new classroom yesterday because she picked up some eye gunk... Conjunctivitis. It isn't contagious, but I thought it would be better if I kept her away from the kids for a day. What a bad start to a new classroom if her teachers worried about Jordan sharing some kind of communicable disease. Her eyes look better today thanks to some eye drops. She also doesn't seem a gunky with her coughing or nose drips, so maybe she's feeling better too. It's hard to tell the difference between a cold and teething with Jordan. I guess this time around she actually had a cold!

Making the move

So I'm still angry at Jordan's school. Very angy. The director was at school on Friday and I gave her a chance to make excuses for the entry of a new baby in the toddler room BEFORE Jordan. I understand the child arrived earlier than expected, but I'm still confused why there was room for this child in the first place. The school director's excuse: There was an ill child every day. Sure there was.

Long story short, after I sat in her office unhappily, she told me Jordan would start either next week or the one after that. I told her I expected Jordan to move on Monday... She tells me that will be up to the teachers if they think she and the "other babies" are ready. Who gives a darn if the other babies are ready. Jordan has been ready for a month. A month.

When I got to school last night, it was official. One of Jordan's new teacher told me they expected Jordan to make the official move on Monday. Nothing different for me, just a different room for Jordan. That kind of makes me sad because I'll miss Jordan's old teachers. I miss the cuddly feeling of the room. I'll miss the love and devotion she was given there. But Jordan needs more encouragement to move. She needs to be around kids who can physically do things that she needs to learn.

Today she got new inserts for her shoes. It forces her toes to stay on the ground when she stands. She relies on her toes as sensory sources, so when she stands she tries to keep her toes up. Not great on her ankles and not great for her balance. She wasn't too happy about the insert addition. But she stood a good amount today. I still can't get her to pull up enough. What will be really interesting is if the new room will really help encourage her to stand up and move.

I was pondering some heavy issues after I watched this movie:

(if you can't see it, go here)

It kills me to watch that little girl identify herself with that baby doll in a negative way at such a young age. It just shows what our culture does to us... Even young girls. And I immediately worry about Jordan and how she feels about herself. She is so confident as a toddler. She knows what she wants, she isn't afraid to tell us... She is loving and happy. I want to bottle that up and make sure she has that feeling forever. But watching this short movie just makes me worry and wonder what I can do to help my daughter's self esteem BEFORE there's reason to be concerned.

Simple day

Yesterday Jordan's sixth tooth arrived after all that hard work. Thank goodness. This morning we had fun with breakfast. I enjoyed taking pictures of her and I decided to capture just a normal moment with my girl in video. We giggled at each other while she popped Cheerios and threw her sippy cup on a regular basis. So here's just a little moment in the high chair:



Jordan has been working very hard on words, but lately it seems her standing and pulling up skills are trumping words. But in the last day, she points at pictures and dolls and says: "tritty" I have to believe that means "pretty." I find that to be pretty darn sweet.

Can you believe she's 13 months old now? Just amazing.

I've started working out again... I got up at 5:20 this morning to exercise. So why amd I still awake? That's a good question. Randy just gave me a stern talking to before he went to bed. It just feels like I can never do enough -- with work, with blogging... with just brainlessly surfing the web or knitting (which I learned how to do this weekend). So I should head off to bed. I just wanted to update with a few smiles to share with everyone. I've been pondering heavier thoughts... But I'll hold off for another day.

Who is that?

I dropped Jordan off in her room today... And as I walked out, there was a new little girl sitting at the table in the bigger kid room. I was a bit confused about that... And kept walking. I didn't say anything... But I looked for the director of the school as I ran off to teach a class. She wasn't there. I was steamed... But maybe I was confused.

So I went back to visit Jordan for a little while in between working out and returning to the newsroom. That's when I noticed that there really was a new girl. She was standing at the door to the little baby room. I asked what was going on with the parents when one of the teachers said: "We never had her start day in the computer system. It's just a mess." Of course that wasn't a good enough excuse. Jordan cries every time a baby drinks from a bottle and won't eat big kid food... because the other babies eat from jars. She needs to move into the bigger room so she can have more encouragement to pull up and try to walk. She's trying harder and harder to do just that.

So I was unhappy. Very unhappy. So I went to the owner of the school since the director is out of town. Apparently this child showed up without anyone knowing she was coming. It's still not cool that she was placed in that room before Jordan. He said he was certainly going to look into it and get Jordan into the room -- and he kind of said next week. The whole thing I thought we were waiting on was the arrival of a new teacher -- and that happens on Monday next week. If that is the case, I expect the move to happen on Monday.

So I was livid. Hopefully this will be fixed. But this isn't the first time I've felt slighted by the school. It's like I'm so nice that I get ignored or passed over on things my kids need or deserve. That stinks.

Getting closer

Jordan worked SO hard on standing up skills today. She is standing up onto things and just standing along furniture better. Today, I plopped her down on multiple different spots and she would stand there... Even the chairs in the kitchen. It's very exciting.

During our therapy today, we've decided that Jordan needs to wear more solid shoes to help prepare her for a foot insert. Why? Because Jordan lifts her toes when she is standing... And it could really hurt her ankles if she keeps it up. So this week we're going to just get used to wearing her Nikes and next week, we'll start wearing the insert.

I'll do my best to try and capture some video of Jordan's toes in action.

Another tooth!

Take the number up to five. Jordan had another tooth appear today and I expect the next top tooth to emerge at any moment. Hopefully she'll get a bit of a break from all of this tooth making and feely happier. Actually, she hasn't been that moody, but it's been noticeable to me.

Yesterday Jordan got to play in the bigger baby room almost all day. She does really well in there. It certainly won't be the same lovey and warm environment with little squishy babies. She's ready to be there full time and I'm impatient.

I'm trying to focus on me a little bit lately. I went to the gym twice this week. I even work up at 5:25 this morning to head over to the gym. I will admit: I like working out. The trick is allowing myself time. A good friend and I take a walk every Saturday... So if I can just add one other day of exercise, I'll feel better about myself. I spent the last year focusing a lot of time for Jordan. I'm officially going to allow myself priority again. Obviously that's important for the sake of sanity. So as Jordan keeps growing, I need to keep learning how to be better to me. I will benefit, my attitude with life will benefit and I figure the family will benefit. The trick is fitting in healthy living into my insane life.

Mood swings

Something is going on with Jordan. Today she wouldn't eat anything at school except a blueberry muffin and baby food... She wouldn't eat table food at lunch time. Every time a baby in the room drank a bottle, she wanted one. She desperately needs to get out of the baby room. She's reverting and doesn't want to be grown up in that room. She eats and drinks just fine at home. She also denied therapy today. She was so upset that the therapist left early! No fun. I was teaching class, so I missed that. But we weren't very productive when I met with her last Friday. Jordan knows what she wants to do and she isn't afraid to freak out to get her way. Not too different from her brother.

But after a few positive steps towards standing up this weekend, I'd hate to lose that progress. I guess we'll just take it one day at a time and hope that she will keep wanting to work and grow and move around. I seriously think moving to the bigger kid room will make a HUGE difference.

Money and remote controls

She did it... Jordan stood up on her own today! She stood up on the coffee table twice! Why? She was reaching for her daddy's wallet and remotes... and she pushed up enough to stand! Then I started putting all kinds of things she wanted onto the table. She didn't think I was very funny.

Jordan's been a really good girl... She took a huge nap today to help make up for the lost sleep in the last few days. She's been at work late the last two days. She is really enjoying the many students, reporters, producers and web folks. And she's showed me that she really would enjoy producing a newscast. She loves hanging out in the producer pod area. She's become the fastest one-handed typing producer in the world. Very fun.

We have snow again... And it appears to be the fun, packing snow. So I'm looking forward to a fun in the snow day with Cam and hopefully Jordan if she's interested. I am finally getting our house back in order from months of disarray. We're planning a Super Bowl party, so the house needs to get in control at some point. Today I made headway... So that makes me feel a little better. We actually have empty clothes baskets so we can fill them with more clean clothes!

Fun with a baby

Best meal ever
Originally uploaded by Jen.

Jordan got to hang out at the newsroom for a while today. I love having her around. The funny part is when Stacey and Randy start playing around with the kids. That's when silly things happen.

They decided to put Jordan in a take-out box... a larger than life take-out box. It was full of fortune cookies. Newsrooms that are CNN affiliates got one of these boxes. But I bet none of the other newsrooms got to have a baby inside... At least a baby this cute.

I've been working and going to appointments a lot this week and I feel like I haven't spent enough time with the kids. I've visited Jordan in her classroom for the last few days. Today she wasn't happy I left her to go to work. Her teachers say she called out for me for quite a while: "MaMa! MaMa!" How sweet and heartbreaking.

As for my teeth, the good news is I didn't cause any massive damage to my front tooth. It got polished so the little chip doesn't get worse or bother my tongue. As for the pain I've been feeling, the dentist thinks it's because I bruised my tooth. I should be okay. I got a new mouthguard. I shouldn't feel as much jaw pain using this one. But I have to admit, if my children or husband see me wearing this thing... They may cry. It's not pretty. Randy says if he had to wear something like this, he'd rather have his teeth fall out. I don't agree. So I'll wear this thing and see how it goes.

Another cool toy

Jordan in Pink
Originally uploaded by Jen.

I figured out another way to play with images I have on Flickr. This is kind of fun. The pictures were taken in June... But it's still fun.

Check out this cool thing!

I just found this fun toy:



Run your arrow over the images and they'll go back and forth. Sorry Uncle Jon... That picture had to be posted.

So much focus about teeth

Jordan has two teeth working through her gums... She's a bit drippy and in a pretty good mood. But I'm in the middle of some teeth drama of my own. I've been grinding my teeth at night for a while. I got a mouth guard that left my jaw in pain every morning. I stopped wearing it while I was pregnant because I was uncomfortable enough (thank you very much).

I've kind of noticed that I grind my teeth during the day as well... Not the creepy, noisy kind. I just kind of play with my teeth a lot when I'm stressed... Or working hard on something. I find myself in one of those situations on a daily basis.

So that brings in my tooth problem. Over the weekend, I noticed something pointy on one of my front teeth. I figured it had always been there and I just noticed. So I went to the mirror to discover a tiny chip in one of my front teeth. I'm FREAKING out (but not grinding my teeth about it) Not long after I found it, the tooth started to hurt a little and feel sensitive to temperature: FREAKING out more. So I called the dentist.

I'm going in tomorrow morning really early. I figured that would be a big deal right?

Well, Randy has had to work early mornings because of this non-stop ice issue we have across the state. Schools left and right continue to close. So he's coming in early. I've been working late training new editors. I never see him. But when I scheduled my dentist appointment, I figured he could take the kids to school.

Not the case anymore.

Now I have to get up extra early, feed the dogs, wake the kids, get them dressed, fed and out the door into school before a 7:30am appointment that is NOWHERE close to school.

Wah.

On the upside of my constant work and busy schedule, I've been hanging out at school a bit more with Jordan. She's so sweet and smily. And when she gets hot and sweaty (which happens a lot because scooting is hard work), her hair gets all curly. I'll have to catch a picture of it. I'm kind of hoping she'll have curly hair like her Grandma. Maybe she can get really curly hair like her Aunt Tisha. That would be really cool. Or maybe she'll just end up with boring hair like me. But lucky for Jordan, she'll never be boring. That's one thing she's lucked out on! She still has a mullet. I think we're going to have to trim it soon. But I'd hate to get rid of those blooming curls!!

Jordan was iced into home with weekend while her parents had to work a bit. She didn't seem to mind it a bit. She was content to scoot all over the house and play. Her favorite item to play with: Shoes.

There wasn't a lot of talking for Miss Jordan this weekend. She spent the majority of the time dripping and coughing. I think she has at least two more teeth coming through. So she was more interested in getting hugs, playing with toys and sleeping. The one thing I'm noticing is how she just doesn't use her arm when she wears her prosthetic. She's still holding it behind her shoulder. The one thing she is using it is to help push herself up from her belly. And she's in that position a lot these days: If she's unhappy, she'll fold up and bonk her head on the floor, fall onto her back and then she rolls onto her belly crying. By the time she pushes herself up, she usually calms down.

So gross story of the weekend has nothing to do with Jordan. Big fluffy dog Dudley discovered that an ice storm is the only way he can catch an animal in the backyard. A rabbit got into the yard and just couldn't get out fast enough. I watched Dudley prance by the back door with the rabbit hanging from his mouth. Gross. Gross. Gross.

Teeth troubles

So here's the latest developments in our world: Jordan is officially one week into the four-tooth world. One of the first things she did with a mouth of teeth was grind them together. It was a horrible sound.... Just quiet enough to hear if you were holding her close. I figured that was the worst she could do with her new pearly whites.

I was wrong.

Today she bit one of her teacher's toes. And if that wasn't bad enough, apparently she bit a friend when she wanted a toy back. Two bites in one day. I can only hope this won't be a common occurrence. I've always wondered if I could handle a biter, I'm just going to hope today was an anomaly.